Dean Spade, a renowned queer and trans activist and author of 'Love in a Fucked Up World,' joins the discussion to explore the intersections of love, social change, and mutual aid. He delves into personal anxieties, ways to self-authorize creatively, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. The conversation also critiques the 'romance myth' while advocating for deeper connections beyond romantic love. Spade encourages listeners to navigate intimacy thoughtfully, promoting empathy and community engagement in times of struggle.
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Dean's Love Letters Archive
Dean Spade shared a personal story of sorting through decades of love letters and activist papers, evoking a mix of nostalgia and time-traveling experience.
This illustrates the intertwining of his personal and political journey across time with friends and lovers.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Self-Authorize Your Wisdom
Dean encourages translating helpful self-help tools for radical communities while acknowledging their limitations and biases.
He advises self-authorizing to share one's wisdom despite doubts and potential criticism.
insights INSIGHT
Romance Myth as a Spell
The romance myth enforces the illusion that romantic and sexual relationships are uniquely essential and perfect, trapping people in controlling, isolated dynamics.
Knowing the romance cycle helps to navigate love maturely and avoid destructive patterns and resentment.
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This book, written by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, explains how unconscious childhood experiences influence adult relationships. It suggests that people often choose partners who resemble their caregivers, hoping to resolve unfinished childhood issues. The authors provide a structured approach, including the 'Imago Dialogue,' to help couples communicate effectively, resolve power struggles, and heal early childhood wounds. The book combines behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to enhance closeness and fulfill relationships[2][3][5].
Mutual Aid
Peter Kropotkin
Peter Kropotkin's Mutual Aid explores the role of cooperation in evolution and society, challenging the prevailing notion of a solely competitive struggle for survival. Kropotkin argues that mutual aid, or cooperation, is a fundamental aspect of life, evident across various species and human societies. He uses numerous examples from natural history and human societies to illustrate how cooperation enhances survival and adaptation. The book's central thesis is that cooperation is not merely a secondary phenomenon but a primary driving force in evolution and social development. Kropotkin's work has had a lasting impact on anarchist thought and continues to inspire contemporary discussions on cooperation, social organization, and the potential for a more just and equitable society.
Love in a Fucked-Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together
Love in a Fucked-Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together
Dean and Autumn and adrienne discuss holding anxiety in your body, literally touching and flirting with trees, the most exciting thing on your horizon, giving eachother what we need, self-authorizing, the dangers of isolation, why we become relationship monsters, love as a psychedelic journey, how our childhoods play into our patterns, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, everyone needing good, quality attention, the exclusivity spell, normalizing jealousy, locating our personal sore spots and whether we're gonna be able to move together enough to stop these ecocidal maniacs bent on killing us all!
How to Survive the End of the World 
