“The shame was intense!” How Ben West coped with his brother’s suicide
Jan 13, 2025
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Ben West, a passionate mental health campaigner who lost his brother to suicide, shares impactful insights on navigating grief and mental health. He discusses recognizing signs of distress in loved ones and breaking the silence around tough topics. Ben highlights the inadequacies of the mental health system in the UK and the stigma surrounding these crucial conversations. He draws amusing parallels between choosing a therapist and dating, while emphasizing the importance of supportive dialogue and awareness to empower those struggling.
Ben West emphasizes the importance of recognizing signs of mental distress, advocating for better understanding in schools to enhance student support.
Addressing the stigma of shame surrounding grief, Ben shares his journey of overcoming guilt to foster mental health advocacy and awareness.
Ben highlights the inadequacies in university mental health services, calling for a legal duty of care to better support students in crisis.
Deep dives
The Impact of Personal Loss on Mental Health Advocacy
After losing his younger brother Sam to suicide at the age of 17, Ben West turned his grief into activism to advocate for mental health awareness and support. He reflects on the complexity of emotions that ensued after the tragedy, recognizing that humor, numbness, and profound pain can coexist in such circumstances. This multifaceted understanding has driven him to initiate campaigns aimed at improving mental health resources and support systems, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the signs of mental distress in others. Ben highlights the shame and guilt surrounding grief, noting how the inability to engage in meaningful conversations with Sam left him with lasting regrets, fueling his motivation to educate others about mental health challenges.
Navigating Grief and Shame
Ben discusses the shame he felt after his brother's death, particularly linked to the last argument they had. He believed that his words might have contributed to Sam's decision to take his own life, leading him into a spiral of panic and guilt. This shame became overwhelming, leading him to feel isolated and fearful of revealing his emotions to others. Through therapy, Ben learned to reframe his understanding of shame and recognize that such feelings are often misplaced, allowing him to channel his energy into advocacy instead.
The Role of Education in Mental Health Support
In his advocacy work, Ben emphasizes the need for better education around mental health within the school system. He believes that teachers should receive training to identify and address mental health issues in their students, as many educators currently lack the necessary skills and knowledge. By equipping teachers with an understanding of children's mental health, Ben argues that prevention and support can be significantly improved. This proactive approach can create a more supportive environment for students struggling with mental health issues.
The Crisis of Mental Health in Universities
Ben sheds light on the alarming rates of suicide among university students, particularly during the isolation of lockdown. He recounts experiences of students who reached out for help but were met with inadequate support and response from their universities, highlighting a systemic failure in mental health care. The need for universities to have a legal duty of care toward their students has become increasingly apparent, prompting Ben to campaign for better resources and mental health support within these institutions. He believes that open dialogue about mental health issues at universities is essential to address this crisis effectively.
The Importance of Collaborative Conversations about Mental Health
Ben advocates for collaborative approaches when discussing mental health, stressing that conversations should feel inclusive rather than confrontational. He suggests that creating a supportive environment where individuals feel safe to express their struggles is vital. By focusing on teamwork and shared understanding, those assisting someone with mental health challenges can foster a more open dialogue. This method empowers individuals to share their experiences without fear of judgment, ultimately promoting healthier communication about mental well-being.
Ben West was 17 when his younger brother died by suicide. He’s since gone on to become a mental health campaigner, and has found humour can help communicate deeply traumatic messages.
In this chat with Fearne, Ben talks through what signs to look for if you’re concerned about someone’s mental health. Then, how do you break the awkward silence when you both know you need to talk about a big topic like poor mental health? You’ll be able to approach the conversation in a compassionate, rather than confronting, way.
Or, maybe you’re the one keeping big thoughts and feelings inside but have become a master of masking your truth. Fearne shares her experience of feeling defensive and telling people she’s ‘fine’ when they asked concerned questions.
Ben also takes a thorough look at the mental health system and explains the reality of what care looks like in the UK (and what he’s doing to change it for the better!)
Plus, how have people like Andrew Tate affected boys’ mental health? And why is finding the right therapist is a bit like dating...?
CONTENT WARNING: This episode is all about the reality of suicide.
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