James Kimmel Jr. Talks About The Science of Revenge and the Power of Forgiveness

Nov 5, 2025

James Kimmel Jr., a Yale lecturer and lawyer-turned-researcher, dives into the neuroscience of revenge in a thought-provoking conversation. He shares a personal bullying story that ignited his passion for understanding why our brains crave retaliation. Kimmel explains how grievances act like addictive substances, triggering dopamine and impulsive reactions. He emphasizes forgiveness as a powerful tool that rewires the brain for peace, offering practical strategies like journaling to process grievances without falling into cycles of anger.

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ANECDOTE

Farmboy Bullying That Sparked A Life's Work

James Kimmel Jr. describes being bullied as a teen which escalated to the killing of his family's dog and mailbox bombing.
He chased the bullies with a loaded revolver but stopped at the last second, a moment that changed his life.

INSIGHT

Grievance Triggers A Drug-Like Brain Loop

A grievance activates the brain's pain network and then the reward circuitry, making revenge feel like a drug.
Craving drives people to seek retaliation and weakens prefrontal self-control, explaining impulsive revenge acts.

INSIGHT

When Revenge Becomes An Addiction

Addiction occurs when you cannot control desire for revenge despite knowing its harms.
The prefrontal cortex provides self-control, and accumulated grievances can hijack that capacity.

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In this episode of A Productive Conversation, I sit down with James Kimmel Jr., JD — a Yale lecturer, lawyer, and leading researcher on the neuroscience of revenge. His new book, The Science of Revenge: Understanding the World’s Deadliest Addiction—and How to Overcome It, explores why our brains crave retaliation and how forgiveness can literally rewire us toward peace.

Our conversation begins with a deeply personal story that shaped James’s life’s work and unpacks how revenge functions like an addiction — one fueled by pain, dopamine, and unchecked desire. What follows is a fascinating look at how our minds process grievance, why forgiveness is a neurological superpower, and how awareness can keep us from being consumed by cycles of anger and retaliation.

Six Discussion Points

How a violent act of bullying led James to study the neuroscience of revenge
The brain’s pain and reward circuits — and how they make revenge feel like a drug
Why grievances compound and can trigger impulsive reactions
The distinction between self-defense, grief, and revenge
How forgiveness shuts down the brain’s pain network and restores self-control
Why awareness, reflection, and tools like journaling can help break the revenge cycle

Three Connection Points

This conversation reminded me that the pause — that small, deliberate moment between grievance and reaction — can change everything. James’s work shows us that forgiveness isn’t about excusing others; it’s about freeing ourselves. I hope this episode helps you reflect on where small moments of release might lead to greater clarity, peace, and yes, productiveness.

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