Schemas, goals, values, and the pursuit of happiness (with Jeff Perron)
Jan 17, 2024
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Join clinical psychologist Jeff Perron, author of The Psychology of Happiness, as he dives into the intriguing world of schemas and their impact on happiness. Discover how conflicting inner beliefs shape our lives and influence our pursuit of genuine joy. Perron connects modern psychology with ancient wisdom, highlighting the importance of values, gratitude, and community in finding fulfillment. He also discusses schema therapy techniques and the need for self-compassion while unraveling our personal growth journeys.
Conflicts between our schemas and values can lead to human suffering, as schemas developed in response to our developmental environment often clash with the intrinsic qualities we want our lives to embody.
To align our behaviors with our values, we need to challenge our inner critic, which represents the unrealistic standards and self-judgment we internalize, and provide support and reassurance to our vulnerable child, who seeks approval and reacts strongly to criticism.
Integrating the wisdom from ancient traditions like Buddhism and Stoicism with positive psychology can provide valuable insights into promoting well-being, emphasizing practices such as gratitude, mindfulness, and embracing uncertainty.
Deep dives
The Role of Schemas and Values in Human Suffering
Our schemas, developed in childhood, shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They are the lenses through which we see the world and the rules for how we operate in it. Conflicts between our schemas and our values often lead to human suffering. Schemas develop in response to our developmental environment, which focuses on survival and attachment, while values are the intrinsic qualities we want our lives to embody. Often, our schemas are rooted in our need for approval and the standards we have learned to meet. When these schemas clash with our values, it can lead to unhappiness and unfulfilled lives.
The Inner Critic and Vulnerable Child
Within us, there are two conflicting voices: the inner critic and the vulnerable child. The inner critic represents the rules and assumptions we have internalized, judging our thoughts and actions. It often sets unrealistic standards and punishes us for perceived failures. On the other hand, the vulnerable child embodies our emotions and seeks comfort and safety. It reacts strongly to criticism and seeks approval from others. By developing a compassionate values-based self, we can challenge the inner critic, soothe the vulnerable child, and align our behaviors with our values.
Practical Strategies for Change
To create change, we can challenge our beliefs associated with the schemas, change our behavioral patterns, and learn to navigate uncomfortable emotions. By envisioning a compassionate values-based self, we can counter the inner critic's negative thoughts and provide reassurance and support to the vulnerable child. This aspirational figure helps us align our behaviors with our values and respond to challenging situations in a more effective and compassionate way. The process involves cognitive restructuring, emotional regulation, and behavior change.
The Intersection of Positive Psychology, Buddhism, and Stoicism
Understanding what contributes to happiness is an important endeavor. Positive psychology provides insights into behaviors and beliefs that lead to happiness, meaning, and positive relationships. When cross-validated with ancient traditions like Buddhism and Stoicism, there are remarkable overlaps in guiding individuals towards a thriving life. By integrating the wisdom from multiple sources, we can better understand and promote well-being.
Key Point 1: The Importance of Happiness as a Side Effect
Happiness is a side effect of getting other aspects of life and behavior right. People who are truly happy tend to focus less on their own happiness and more on what is happening around them. Gratitude, appreciation, and savoring experiences are key practices that contribute to happiness. Mindfulness and not overly engaging with the inner critic are important principles found in Buddhism and Stoicism. These traditions also emphasize not placing too much value on the opinions of others, embracing uncertainty, and accepting impermanence.
Key Point 2: Comparing Ancient Traditions and Positive Psychology
Ancient traditions like Buddhism and Stoicism focus on concepts like embracing impermanence and reducing craving, which are not as emphasized in positive psychology. On the other hand, positive psychology emphasizes concepts like flow, where individuals are fully absorbed in activities that are challenging yet enjoyable, as well as the importance of healthy self-esteem and applying strengths. While there is overlap between the ancient traditions and positive psychology, there are also differences in the value placed on certain concepts in each system.
What does it mean to have conflicts between our schemas and our values? What is schema therapy? How do schema therapy's claims differ from the "common sense" view that we develop tools for interacting with the world in childhood? How do our "inner critic" and "vulnerable child" connect to our schemas? How do these things differ from the IFS (Internal Family Systems) model of psychotherapy? How do these things map onto Buddhism, Stoicism, and other religious or philosophical traditions? What are the values that lead to a life of happiness? Why are teachings about embracing impermanence and reducing craving found in ancient religious and philosophical traditions but not in modern psychology? And, conversely, why are practices for building "flow" and healthy self-esteem present in modern psychology but not in ancient religious and philosophical traditions?
Jeff Perron is a Clinical Psychologist and Author of The Psychology of Happiness, a Substack with over 15,000 subscribers. He writes detailed guides that explain evidence-based concepts associated with mental well-being and happiness. In his clinical work, he has spent years helping professionals align their lives more closely with their goals and values, supporting them in moving away from unnecessary suffering and towards meaning and fulfillment. Dr. Perron also holds an MBA from Wilfrid Laurier University and in the past has worked in the corporate strategy world. He holds a dual research-clinical PhD in Clinical Psychology from the University of Ottawa and is a Clinical Associate of the Ottawa Institute of CBT.
