Why Community and Courage Matter More Than Ever with Laura McKowen
May 9, 2025
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Laura McKowen, author of "We Are The Luckiest" and founder of The Luckiest Club, shares her insights on the power of community and courage in personal transformation. She dives into the concept of the 'messy middle'—the challenging space between comfort and change. McKowen highlights the importance of community in sobriety and discusses 'fawning' as a trauma response. Her journey reflects a deep understanding of how real healing starts with vulnerability and connection, inviting listeners to embrace their own paths to recovery.
Transformation occurs in the 'messy middle', where confronting fears leads to profound healing and self-discovery.
Community plays a vital role in recovery, providing support and connection that fosters deeper healing beyond mere sobriety.
Fawning as a trauma response highlights the need for self-awareness and the courage to prioritize personal needs over external approval.
Deep dives
The Nature of Negotiation
Everything in life involves negotiation, a constant call and response with the world. This concept highlights the importance of engaging with our thoughts and actions, as these interactions shape our existence. Often, individuals fall into negative patterns, fixating on feelings of jealousy and self-pity rather than recognizing their strengths and achievements. To foster a life that empowers and uplifts, it requires conscious effort to feed the 'good wolf' within us, leading to a more fulfilling existence.
Transformation and the Messy Middle
Transformation does not follow a neat trajectory; rather, it exists in the 'messy middle' where uncertainty and discomfort reside. This phase represents a threshold, as articulated by Laura McCowan, where individuals confront their fears and begin the process of healing. The transition from old habits, such as reliance on substances or control, to a new self is fraught with challenges. Ultimately, this transformation emphasizes the necessity of not just relinquishing harmful behaviors but also actively cultivating a new identity.
The Parable of Two Wolves
The parable of the two wolves illustrates the conflict between good and bad qualities within us, symbolizing the choices we make every day. The good wolf represents love, kindness, and bravery, while the bad wolf embodies fear, greed, and hatred. This internal battle requires courage to embrace the truth, often at the expense of temporary comfort. By choosing to nurture the good wolf through honesty and self-reflection, individuals can foster a life of authenticity and purpose.
Fawning as a Coping Mechanism
Fawning, a recently recognized fear response, involves seeking approval and safety by catering to others' needs at the expense of one's own. This behavior can stem from childhood experiences and lead to self-abandonment in an effort to maintain relationships. Recognizing this pattern is crucial, as it highlights how individuals often prioritize others' comfort over their own well-being. Breaking free from this cycle requires building self-awareness and the courage to assert one's own needs.
The Importance of Values and Choice
Understanding and articulating personal values is a significant aspect of individual growth, often blurred by societal expectations and obligations. While values guide our choices, they can easily devolve into duties, leading to resentment if not approached with conscious intent. It becomes essential to maintain a loop where core values inform choices, reminding ourselves of our autonomy in decision-making. This ongoing process allows individuals to navigate life's changes while ensuring alignment with their true selves.
In this episode, Laura McKowen explores why community and courage matter more than ever in making change in your life. She dives into the “messy midle” – theu ncertain space between giving up what umbs us and becoming someone new. She shares the story of the Luckiest Club, a global sobriety community.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding that real transformation is messy
Learning how sobriety isn’t the finish line, but the starting point for deeper healing
Understanding why community is so important and powerful
Discover fawning as a trauma response and how it shows up in life
Learning to balance honesty with fear
How discernment and clarity often come in conversation with others
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