102: Navigating The Highs And Lows Of Dating And Relationships With Dr. Scott Lyons

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Oct 15, 2024

Dr. Scott Lyons, author of "Addicted to Drama" and expert in trauma healing, joins the conversation on the complex highs and lows of dating. He discusses how unresolved traumas often lead to choosing emotionally unavailable partners, creating cycles of self-abandonment. Scott introduces the concept of "memory spread," where past experiences amplify present emotional reactions. They emphasize the journey toward recognizing red flags, the importance of communication in relationships, and how true intimacy is built on curiosity rather than chaos.

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ANECDOTE

Porn Star Domain

Dr. Scott Lyons became a doctor partly due to his original domain name being taken.
A porn star had already claimed scottlyons.com.

INSIGHT

Drama in Dating

The push-pull dynamic in dating, characterized by hot and cold behavior and inconsistency, signifies drama.
Many don't want to admit being addicted to this drama.

ANECDOTE

Thespian Childhood

Scott Lyons' childhood was chaotic, marked by addicts and abuse, leading him to become a thespian.
Acting allowed him to evoke emotions in others but proved unhealthy in relationships.

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Dr. Scott Lyons joins Sabrina to discuss the high highs and low lows of dating, focusing on the addiction to drama in relationships. He and Sabrina explore how unresolved trauma can lead to seeking emotionally unavailable partners or chaotic relationships, mirroring past experiences. They highlight how many people are drawn to emotional intensity, mistaking it for love, and how this creates a cycle of self-abandonment, as individuals chase someone else’s emotional rollercoaster instead of staying grounded in themselves. Trauma often causes people to confuse present and past experiences, making it difficult to separate healthy dynamics from old emotional patterns. Scott emphasizes that healing begins when the red flags of chaotic relationships no longer feel attractive. He also introduces the concept of "memory spread," where past emotional triggers amplify reactions in the present, causing unnecessary tension. Sabrina and Scott discuss the importance of co-regulating with a partner, articulating needs before stress builds, and learning to enjoy the calm and stability that healthy love brings. Scott notes that for some, calmness may feel unsafe, as they are habituated to chaos and seek it out to fill their anxiety. Ultimately, Sabrina and Scott both agree that true connection is built on curiosity and communication, and that chasing emotional intensity—like butterflies or drama—keeps individuals from experiencing the deeper, more stable intimacy of a healthy relationship.

Get Dr. Scott's book! Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others

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