The Jefferson Fisher Podcast How to Not Get Defensive
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Nov 19, 2024 Defensiveness can derail conversations, but there are effective ways to stay calm. The discussion highlights three strategies to prevent escalation during heated talks. Techniques like language reframing can foster openness and make people feel valued. Real-life examples, including handling a defensive employee, illustrate how thoughtful communication can lead to productive dialogue. Plus, the importance of audience engagement is emphasized, making tough conversations more manageable for everyone involved.
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Defensiveness Is Biological
- Defensiveness is a biological reaction to perceived threats or challenges, like disagreements or instructions.
- This fight-or-flight response makes it difficult to avoid initial defensiveness.
Let Words Fall
- To manage defensiveness, visualize the other person's words falling to the ground.
- Choose whether to engage or leave them; often, disengaging is best.
Use "I" Instead of "You"
- Replace "you" statements with "I" statements to reduce defensiveness.
- "You" statements can be triggering and accusatory, while "I" statements express personal feelings.
