Moment 163: Happiness Expert Reveals The One Type Of Person You Should NEVER Date
May 24, 2024
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Arthur C. Brooks, a happiness expert and author, delves into the pitfalls of modern dating. He argues that seeking partners identical to ourselves leads to missed opportunities for growth and connection. Instead, he advocates for embracing complementary traits, like pairing introverts with extroverts for a richer relationship. Brooks also discusses the neurochemistry of love, the paradox of jealousy, and how altruism not only promotes happiness but adds meaning to life. Discover the surprising insights that can transform your approach to love.
Seek a partner who complements, not mirrors, your qualities for successful relationships.
Embracing differences between partners leads to personal growth and fulfillment in relationships.
Deep dives
Finding Your Compliment in Dating Markets
In the dating world, the mistake many people make is seeking a clone of themselves instead of a compliment. Happy relationships often involve introverts and extroverts learning to appreciate each other's differences. Dating apps can lead to dissatisfaction when individuals match with those similar to them, creating a lack of attraction. Embracing differences can lead to personal growth and fulfillment.
Chemical Reactions of Love
The stages of falling in love involve hormonal reactions with testosterone and estrogen triggering attraction, followed by increased levels of noradrenaline and dopamine creating anticipation and euphoria. Serotonin levels decrease, leading to rumination and infatuation. Finally, attachment develops through oxytocin, causing deep emotional connections that can be compared to addiction.
The Impact of Helping Others on Happiness
Studies show that focusing on moral deeds, such as acts of kindness, leads to greater happiness compared to self-care practices. Giving love and assistance to others not only boosts mood but also provides a sense of purpose and empowerment. Volunteering and charitable giving have been linked to increased personal fulfillment and a positive outlook on life.
In this moment, happiness scientist and expert, Arthur C Brooks, discusses what people get wrong in their search for romantic happiness. According to Arthur, the biggest mistake people make when searching for their romantic partner is looking for an exact copy of themself. This is one of the reasons that dating apps are so unsuccessful, as their dating profile will rigidly select people with the same preferences as them, allowing no surprises and potential to experience different qualities. Instead, people are better off looking for someone who complements and completes them and their qualities. This is why many happy marriages will be between people with different qualities, such as an introvert and an extrovert. These sorts of relationships celebrated their difference rather than partners trying to change each other to be more like them, as Arthur says that this is a killer of relationships