Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

What Makes a Good Relationship (Stan Tatkin)

Jul 3, 2024

Relationship expert Stan Tatkin discusses the bond between hate and love in relationships, exploring childhood injustices and attachment theory. He emphasizes the importance of balance and cooperation in maintaining healthy partnerships, while also delving into topics like prenuptial agreements, hiring challenges, and the significance of shared principles in relationships.

51:08

Episode guests

Stan Tatkin

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Anger and love are intertwined in relationships, bonding partners despite conflicts.

Secure functioning principles in relationships foster emotional security and well-being.

Establishing Shared Principles of Governance ensures mutual support and prevents emotional detachment.

Deep dives

Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy by Stan Tatkin

Stan Tatkin, a renowned author and therapist, discusses his psychobiological approach to couples therapy known as PACT, emphasizing attachment theory to help couples establish secure functioning principles. Tatkin, an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, has trained numerous therapists in this approach, guiding couples through conflicts by addressing primal instincts and brain responses.

Intro

3min

Exploring Relationship Dynamics and Attachment Styles

17min

Navigating Intense Parenting and Relationship Dynamics

5min

Exploring the Complex Dynamics of Love and Hate in Relationships

6min

Exploring the Dynamics of Prenuptial Agreements and Relationships

6min

The Impact of Last-Minute Prenuptial Agreements on Relationships

8min

Exploring Hiring Challenges and Relationship Dynamics

3min

Exploring the Depth of Relationships and Agreements

2min

Building a Strong Relationship through Shared Principles of Governance

4min

Stan Tatkin is an author, therapist, and researcher who guides couples toward more durable relationships. He developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), a non-linear approach that explores attachment theory to help couples adopt secure-functioning principles: In short, Stan and his wife, Tracey, train therapists to work through a psychobiological lens. Often, our brains get away from us when we’re in conflict in our relationships—we lose ourselves to our instincts. He has trained thousands of therapists to integrate PACT into their clinical practice, offers intensive counseling sessions, and co-leads couples retreats with his wife. Tatkin is also an assistant clinical professor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.

Stan wrote Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship more than a decade ago and it became an instant classic. It was due for a refresh to encompass the wider range of relationships we’re now experiencing and it’s just been re-issued, better than ever.

In today’s conversation we talk about the table stakes of a good relationship: Nobody cares about your survival more than your partner, something we easily forget. As it were, we get into a fascinating sidebar on Pre-Nuptial Agreements, which in Stan’s estimation cause many relationships to founder. I’ll let him tell you why.

MORE FROM STAN TATKIN:

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them

We Do

Wired for Dating

Stan Tatkin’s Website

Follow Stan on Instagram

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