The Surprising Science of Lasting Sexual Connection: An Interview with Emily Nagoski
Feb 2, 2024
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Emily Nagoski, author of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, challenges conventional notions of sustaining sexual connections. They discuss the impact of stress on sexual connection and the surprising underrepresentation of diverse experiences in the scientific field. The importance of vulnerability, authenticity, and connection in relationships is highlighted, as well as the process of unlearning societal myths surrounding sexuality.
Cultivating connected authenticity and dismantling societal imperatives leads to lasting and fulfilling sexual relationships.
Savoring pleasure strengthens our ability to feel pleasure more deeply and enhances the quality of life.
Deep dives
The Power of Connected Authenticity
Connected authenticity involves being true to oneself and creating an environment that allows others to be their authentic selves as well. It requires dismantling the societal imperatives and conditioning that often hinder true connection and expression. Cultivating connected authenticity is a process that involves warm curiosity, unlearning ingrained beliefs, and embracing pleasure without judgment or guilt. Through fostering this deep sense of authenticity and connection, individuals can create lasting and fulfilling sexual relationships.
Savoring Pleasure and Building Pathways
Savoring pleasure is an essential practice that reinforces the pathways in our brains associated with experiencing pleasure. Noticing and appreciating moments of pleasure, whether through sensory experiences or positive thoughts, helps create lasting memories and strengthens our ability to feel pleasure more deeply. Recognizing the small everyday pleasures and sharing them with others fosters connection and enhances the quality of one's life. Savoring pleasure can be challenging, especially during difficult times, but finding those glimmers of light and giving attention to pleasurable experiences can help build a more joyful and fulfilling life.
Unlearning Sexual Imperatives
The book challenges societal norms and sexual imperatives that dictate what is expected in long-term relationships. It emphasizes that the priority in sustaining sexual connections should be on pleasure rather than desire. The myth of the spark and the pressure to conform to certain sexual ideals can create obstacles and unrealistic expectations. By embracing a focus on vulnerability, authenticity, connection, and pleasure, individuals and couples can navigate desire differences and build intimate relationships based on mutual understanding and shared pleasure.
The Emotional Floor Plan and Mapping Pathways to Lust
The emotional floor plan is a powerful framework for understanding the foundations of emotion and mapping one's own emotional pathways to lust. It draws on affective neuroscience to explain how our brain processes emotions and influences our responses to sexual stimuli. By identifying the emotional states and factors that contribute to our feelings of safety, connection, and pleasure, we can actively cultivate the conditions that lead to lust. The emotional floor plan provides valuable insights and strategies for individuals seeking to navigate their own emotional landscape and enhance their sexual connections.
In this intimate interview, Emily Nagoski shares her insights from authoring her new book Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. We dive into the common misconceptions about long term erotic relationships, and what really works when it comes to creating a sex life worth wanting. For a bonus interview and […]
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