

245: Love Worth Making Part 1, with Dr. Stephen Snyder, MD
Jun 20, 2025
Dr. Stephen Snyder, a New York City sex therapist and author of Love Worth Making, dives into creating emotional intimacy and fostering desire in relationships. He discusses the importance of sexual feelings, exploring a two-step approach to enhance motivation. Snyder introduces the concept of 'lazy sex' to maintain connection amidst busy lives, and highlights 'simmering' as a way to encourage desire. Finally, he sheds light on the difference between giving and taking pleasure, emphasizing emotional validation as key to satisfying intimacy.
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Sexual Feelings as Regression
- Sexual feelings represent a regression to a more primitive state of being close to one's deepest self.
- This infantile state combines pleasure, seriousness, and tenderness simultaneously in sexual arousal.
Sexual Arousal Causes Regression
- Sexual arousal leads to loss of concentration and adult faculties, regressing to a happier, less cognitive state.
- This explains why good sex makes you feel "a little dumber" but very happy.
Sex as Revisiting Infantile Importance
- Sex allows adults to revisit the early experience of feeling like the center of the universe, like a baby.
- This deep sense of being wanted and valued is what people yearn for sexually.