In this episode of the Sex with Emily podcast, Dr. Emily teams up with Dr. Scott Lyons, a licensed holistic psychologist and trauma expert, to tackle one of the most common relationship challenges: when sex starts feeling like just another item on your to-do list. From exploring why intimacy can lose its spark to practical strategies for reigniting desire, this conversation gets to the heart of what happens when pleasure becomes obligation.
We dive deep into the psychology behind sexual disconnection, examining how stress, routine, and unspoken resentments can transform what should be joyful into something that feels burdensome. Dr. Scott shares insights on nervous system regulation and how our bodies respond when we're overwhelmed, while Dr. Emily offers practical advice on communication, scheduling intimacy, and the importance of prioritizing pleasure throughout the week—not just in the bedroom.
This episode addresses the reality that many couples face: mismatched libidos, the pressure to perform, and the challenge of maintaining sexual connection amid life's demands. We explore how to shift from duty-based sex to desire-driven intimacy, the role of variety and spontaneity in long-term relationships, and why "priming for pleasure" throughout the week is essential for a fulfilling sex life.
Show Notes: 00:00:00 - When Sex Becomes a Chore
03:00:00 - The Psychology of Sexual Obligation
06:41:00 - Mismatched Libidos and Relationship Dynamics
08:26:00 - Breaking the Routine: Adding Variety and Play
11:07:00 - Communication vs. Avoidance in Sexual Relationships
15:38:00 - Priming for Pleasure Throughout the Week
18:06:00 - Scheduling Sex: Intentional vs. Spontaneous Intimacy
23:10:00 - From Duty to Desire: Practical Strategies
28:14:00 - Building Anticipation and Connection
30:04:00 - Redefining Sexual Success and Satisfaction
Whether you're feeling disconnected from your partner or just want to prevent sex from becoming routine, this episode offers compassionate guidance and actionable strategies for reclaiming the joy and connection that intimate relationships can provide.
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