Oren Jay Sofer on Mindful Communication

5 snips

Apr 3, 2019

Oren Jay Sofer, a leader in mindful communication and meditation with a Columbia degree in Comparative Religion, shares insights from his book, 'Say What You Mean.' He discusses the importance of being present and the impact of fragmented attention on our conversations. Oren outlines a three-step process for effective communication: leading with presence, coming from curiosity, and focusing on what matters. He emphasizes the power of pausing and the connection between our speech and nervous system, offering practical techniques to enhance interpersonal connections.

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INSIGHT

Two Wolves, Good News

The "two wolves" parable suggests our minds are not fixed, but can learn and grow through our choices.
This highlights the potential for change and growth, offering hope for personal and collective transformation.

ADVICE

Lead with Presence

Lead conversations with presence; be fully engaged before addressing agendas or feelings.
Being present creates a foundation for meaningful connection and effective communication.

ADVICE

Tools for Presence

To enhance presence, bring awareness to your body, as physical sensations exist only in the present.
Pausing, even briefly, helps gather attention and allows for more thoughtful responses.

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Oren Jay Sofer leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication and meditation at retreat centers and educational facilities around the United States. He is the founder of Next Step Dharma and Mindful Healthcare and he holds a degree in Comparative Religion from Columbia University. In this episode, he and Eric discuss his new book, Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication. In it, you’ll learn an updated model on how to skillfully communicate – especially in difficult situations. Practical strategies and helpful perspectives are what you’ll get in this episode.

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In This Interview, Oren Jay Sofer and I Discuss…

His book, Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
That we’re not stuck, our minds can learn and it depends on the choices we make moment to moment
The three steps to create effective conversation
Lead with Presence
Come from Curiosity and Care
Focus on What Matters
How most people live with fragmented attention and it takes training to be fully present with another person
That you can feel whether a person is fully present with you or not
Bringing awareness and attention to the body to come into the present moment (the body is always in the present moment)
Bodily sensations happen in the present moment
The power of pausing
How our rate of speech is connected to our nervous system
That when we are present, we have a lot more choices
That our intention shapes our verbal and non-verbal communications
The intention to understand
The intention of kindness and care
How you can practice kindness to someone you don’t like
Kindness can be about protecting your own heart
The phrase “Let me see if I’ve got it…”
Listening for what matters to the other person – what do they need?
The difference between needs and strategies
The Nonviolent Communication Model
Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests
Communicating in the workplace

Oren Jay Sofer Links

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