Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks, discusses the shortage of elders to guide young men, the retreat of men from society and relationships, the challenges of vulnerability, living in congruence with one's ideal self, and the importance of collective empathy and shadow processing.
The importance of male mentorship and role models in shaping young boys' understanding of masculinity and their ability to self-regulate.
The adverse effects of internet outrage culture on civil discourse, the exploration of different perspectives, and the need to foster a culture of respect, curiosity, and personal accountability.
The significance of self-regulation for men, emphasizing the need to cultivate emotional regulation skills for personal growth, meaningful connections, and positive impact on relationships and parenting.
Deep dives
The Importance of Male Mentorship and Role Models
The podcast episode discusses the lack of male mentorship and role models in today's society. It highlights the impact of growing up without a father figure and the absence of mature masculinity in young men's lives. The episode emphasizes the importance of modeling and how it shapes young boys' understanding of masculinity and their ability to self-regulate. It also touches on the consequences of this absence, such as declining rates of men in education, relationships, and the workforce. The podcast advocates for bridging the gap and fostering a deeper respect and understanding between genders.
The Challenges of Online Culture and Cancel Culture
The podcast delves into the impact of the internet's outrage culture on individuals and society. It discusses the overwhelming exposure to other people's unconscious contents and projections, which can be dysregulating for individuals who are unprepared for this constant bombardment. This online environment hampers civil discourse and prevents the exploration of different perspectives. The episode also mentions the culture of canceling individuals who deviate from popular narratives, even when discussing self-responsibility. It highlights the need to move beyond blame, victimization, and polarization to foster a culture of respect, curiosity, and personal accountability.
The Power of Self-Regulation
The podcast emphasizes the significance of self-regulation, particularly for men. It emphasizes that one's mission in life should be to outregulate others and oneself, embracing the ability to stay grounded and centered amidst life's challenges. The episode highlights the current state of constant dysregulation and the importance of cultivating emotional regulation skills. It discusses the impact of being able to self-regulate on relationships, parenting, and personal well-being, emphasizing its profound positive effects, which may be difficult to fully comprehend but are essential for personal growth and meaningful connections.
Importance of Emotional Processing and Communication in Relationships
Many men are told that they need to be more vulnerable in relationships, but often they bring raw, unprocessed emotions into their interactions. This can overwhelm their partners and create a sense of unsafety. Instead, men should focus on developing emotional competence, working through their emotions with other men, and cultivating self-awareness. By doing so, men can communicate their feelings in a more grounded and directed manner, reducing the burden on their partners and empowering themselves.
Taking Responsibility and Self-Leadership in Relationships
In relationships, both men and women need to take responsibility for their individual role in dynamics. This means not expecting the other person to fix or change, but rather focusing on personal growth and self-awareness. Men should ask themselves who they want to be in the relationship and actively work towards being congruent with that vision. By turning the focus inward and developing self-leadership, men can create a healthier dynamic in their relationships and avoid perpetuating codependent patterns.
Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization dedicated to the professional and personal growth in men. He is an entrepreneur, writer, keynote speaker, and facilitator dedicated to building a better society of men. Connor has spoken to large corporate brands, nonprofits, schools, and international organizations such as the United Nations, Microsoft, Johnson & Johnson, Apple, TED, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization.
🌟 Some Takeaways from this Episode:
Men Need Community: The immense shortage of elders within our society to hold initiatory space for young men, and the importance of community, so men have opportunities to practice having vulnerable conversations within those spaces
Where are the Men: Men are psychologically retreating from society and romantic relationships in response to a lack of emotional safety, very few models of what expressing healthy masculinity might look like, and a lack of resources for support
Navigating Vulnerability: The challenges that arise when men attempt to bring raw and unprocessed vulnerability into their relationships in an effort to connect, and how it may inadvertently cause their partner to feel unsafe or turn them into an emotional processing center
Alignment Brings Emotional Safety: The conflict that shows up in relationships when a man is not living in congruence with the vision he holds in his head of his ideal Self
We have been wanting to sit down with Connor Beaton for such a long time and this conversation certainly did not disappoint. We know you’re going to be so impacted by it, as well!
