What To Do When Your Wife Is Triggered (with Tammy Gustafson)
Jan 15, 2024
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Trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor Tammy Gustafson discusses how husbands can support their wives during triggers and the opportunity for healing they present. Learn about the neurological response to triggers, manifestations of triggers in real-life situations, and practical tips for navigating triggers and strengthening relationships. Discover the importance of empathy, understanding, open communication, and perspective-taking in addressing triggers and building intimacy.
Triggers are a neurological response to a perceived threat and it's important to validate and support your wife during triggering moments, rather than trying to fix or dismiss her feelings.
Creating safety through humility, non-defensiveness, and emotional presence is crucial for healing and recovery after triggers.
Deep dives
Understanding Triggers and Supporting Your Wife Through Them
Triggers are overwhelming and confusing for everyone involved. It's important to recognize that your wife doesn't want to be triggered and she isn't choosing to be triggered. Triggers are a neurological response to a perceived threat and they can bring your wife to her knees. Understanding this can help you provide validation and support during triggering moments, rather than trying to fix or dismiss her feelings. Validate her experiences and be present with her during the trigger, offering empathy and understanding.
Creating Safety and Healing in the Relationship
Creating safety is crucial for healing and recovery after triggers. It's important to be humble, non-defensive, and emotionally present with your wife. Allow her to express her anger and emotions without trying to rationalize or dismiss them. Recognize that triggers are a spotlight on areas that still need healing and work together to address them. By proactively creating safety and addressing triggers, you can strengthen your relationship and help your wife find her power and strength.
Preventing Triggers and Taking Proactive Steps
While triggers can be unpredictable, there are instances where you can anticipate and prevent them. By identifying potential triggers in advance, you can come up with a plan to create safety for your wife. Communicate with her, asking what would make her feel safe, and be proactive in implementing those measures. This shows your commitment to her healing and builds trust in the relationship.
The Importance of Repair and Growth After Triggers
After a triggering episode, it's essential to engage in open, honest, and compassionate dialogue. Reflect on the trigger event together and discuss how you can better support each other in the future. Use this opportunity for growth and healing, recognizing that triggers highlight areas that need attention. By proactively addressing triggers and repairing any ruptures in the relationship, you can deepen your intimacy and create a stronger foundation.
How can a husband help his wife during a trigger? Tammy Gustafson reveals what triggers are, how they affect your wife's brain, and what she needs after a trigger tornado has passed. Discover how her triggers can become opportunities for healing!
Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR certified clinician, and speaker with 15 years of experience. She is the founder of Betrayal Healing and host of the Betrayal Healing Conference. She is passionate about helping women find their strength and pick up the pieces of their broken hearts after sexual betrayal, so they are able to see beauty, joy, and adventure again.