Guest William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, talks about his life's work, the power of trust in negotiation, and the importance of listening. He shares stories of navigating difficult negotiations, staying calm during crucial moments, and finding creative solutions. They also discuss real-life examples of challenging negotiations and the power of adopting a mindset of possibilities.
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Quick takeaways
Effective negotiation requires active listening, understanding perspectives, and finding common ground.
Conflicts can be opportunities for transformation when approached with a positive and solution-oriented mindset.
Trust is crucial in negotiation, enabling open communication, understanding, and collaborative problem-solving.
Deep dives
The Power of Listening in Negotiation
In this podcast episode, negotiation expert William Yuri emphasizes the importance of listening in negotiation. He shares that true negotiation is about listening, understanding the other party's perspective, and finding common ground. By listening, negotiators can uncover opportunities, identify unmet needs, and build trust. Yuri highlights that the biggest obstacle in negotiation is often ourselves and our reactionary tendencies, and emphasizes the value of going to the balcony, gaining perspective, and keeping our focus on the ultimate goal. Through examples and personal stories, Yuri demonstrates how listening and playful problem-solving can lead to breakthroughs in even the most difficult negotiations.
Transforming Conflict: From Obstacles to Opportunities
Yuri discusses the mindset of a 'possibilist' and the importance of seeing conflict as a potential for transformation. He believes that all conflicts, no matter how difficult or impossible they seem, can be solved by humans because they are human-made. Yuri urges individuals to embrace the challenge of conflicts and turn towards them with humble audacity. He shares stories of conflicts he has been involved in, where he sought opportunities amidst seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and highlights the need for perspective, creativity, and a focus on collaborative solutions. By adopting a positive and solution-oriented mindset, conflicts can be transformed into constructive dialogue and cooperation.
The Role of Trust in Negotiation
Yuri emphasizes the significance of trust in negotiation, drawing from examples and experiences. He explains that trust is crucial in building successful negotiations and strong relationships. Trust enables open communication, understanding, and the exploration of mutual interests. He emphasizes the importance of reputation for trustworthiness in negotiation and leadership, citing examples such as Warren Buffett. Yuri advocates for a shift in mindset from focusing on extracting the most for oneself to creating value for both parties. By prioritizing trust and collaborative problem-solving, negotiators can optimize outcomes and establish long-term profitable relationships.
Overcoming Conflict: Going to the Balcony and Building Bridges
Yuri introduces the concept of 'going to the balcony' as a powerful strategy in conflict resolution. Going to the balcony involves stepping back, gaining perspective, and focusing on the broader purpose and desired outcomes. By detaching from immediate emotions and reactions, individuals can approach conflicts with more clarity, calmness, and strategic thinking. Yuri discusses the importance of empathy and active listening, allowing negotiators to understand the concerns and needs of the other party. He stresses the importance of building a golden bridge, finding attractive ways to meet the other party's interests and needs, and facilitating constructive dialogue. These strategies help navigate conflicts and bridge divides to create mutually beneficial outcomes.
Humble Audacity: Embracing Possibilities
Yuri encourages individuals to embrace a mindset of humble audacity. He describes humble audacity as the willingness to acknowledge obstacles while seeking opportunities. By turning towards difficult situations with curiosity, creativity, and a spirit of play, individuals can tap into their full potential and unlock creative solutions. Yuri shares personal stories, including negotiations in the midst of conflicts and international crises, where humble audacity has allowed for breakthroughs and positive change. He encourages everyone to consider their life's work and the impact they can have by approaching challenges with a mindset of possibility and a commitment to making a difference.
William Ury is the co-author of Getting to Yes, the world’s all-time bestselling book on negotiation with more than 15 million copies sold, and co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation. Bill has devoted his life to helping people, organizations, and nations transform conflicts around the world, having served as a negotiator in many of the toughest disputes of our times, taught negotiation to tens of thousands, and consulted for dozens of Fortune 500 companies, the White House, the State Department, and the Pentagon. Based in the mountains of Colorado where he loves to hike, Bill is an internationally sought-after speaker and has two popular TEDx talks with millions of viewers.
Notes:
Your life’s work: “If you had to boil your life’s work down to just one sentence you could leave behind, what would it say?” This is a great question for us to ask ourselves to gain clarity on our purpose and what we were put here to do. What is your life’s work?
On one of Bill's hikes with Jim Collins in Boulder, Colorado, he asked, “When did you first discover your interest in and instinct for what became your life’s work?”
Be trustworthy AND trust willing. Become known as a person who trusts others first without making people earn it. Yes, you’ll get burned every once in a while, but I’ve found it’s worth it. Leading with trust seems to attract the type of people you want to be around.
On a freezing night in January 1977, the phone rang at 10:00 pm. Bill was living in a little rented room in the attic of an old wooden house in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He was 23, writing term papers, and studying hard for graduate school exams in social anthropology. Bill picked up the phone…
“I was particularly struck by Bill’s rare ability to bring calm and optimism to seemingly intractable conflicts and by his blend of intellectual clarity and practical wisdom.” - Jim Collins
Go to hardest places: Instead of sharpening his intellect and insights by doing research sitting in a plush faculty office at some Ivy League institute, Bill decided to “go to the hardest places first,” throwing himself into political negotiations in the Middle East.
“The only book to write is the one you cannot not write.”
What are the 3 victories on the path to possible? The story of the wise old woman and the camels...
The story of Vasili Arkhipov and Sub B-59 (the pause, calm, reactive to proactive).
Bring your spirit of play. That’s one of the things about Bill that I couldn’t help but notice from the second we connected. He was smiling, laughing, and enjoying himself the entire time. He was having fun. What’s the point of doing all of this if we don’t have some fun along the way?
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