Episode 164: How To Deal With Jealousy

14 snips

Feb 3, 2023

Join Dr. Joli Hamilton, a research psychologist and best-selling author, as she dives deep into the complicated emotion of jealousy. Discover how jealousy differs from envy and its dual nature, serving both as a potential relationship enhancer and a source of conflict. Learn effective strategies for managing jealousy, including slowing down and nervous-system regulation. Plus, Joli shares personal insights from her own journey navigating jealousy in polyamory and offers tips for supporting partners who struggle with this challenging emotion.

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INSIGHT

Jealousy Is A Neutral Signal

Jealousy signals a perceived threat to a valued relationship and is more complex than often portrayed.
Too much or too little jealousy can both harm relationships, so balance matters.

INSIGHT

The Jealousy Triangle

Jealousy forms a triangle: me, my beloved, and a perceived interrupter who threatens the bond.
Envy differs because it is longing to have what someone else has rather than guarding a relationship.

INSIGHT

Reframe Jealousy To Use Its Information

Jealousy is not inherently bad; it's a neutral emotion that provides information about our attachments.
Labeling it as evil prevents learning how to respond constructively to it.

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There’s an interesting paradox in modern relationships where, if there’s too much jealousy, that can cause a lot of problems. At the same time, though, if there isn’t enough jealousy, that can also lead to problems. So let’s talk about this complicated emotion. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the good, bad, and ugly of jealousy, how to cope with this emotion in healthy ways, and things you can do to help a partner who might be especially prone to jealousy.

I am joined once again by Dr. Joli Hamilton, a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and AASECT Certified Sex Educator. Joli co-hosts the Playing with Fire podcast and her academic research focuses on how jealousy impacts our most intimate relationships. Our previous conversation was all about creative monogamy, so be sure to listen to that episode as well.

Some of the topics we discuss today include:

How is jealousy different from other emotions, such as envy?
What are some examples of the ways jealousy can benefit a relationship? How can jealousy harm a relationship?
How can someone learn to manage jealousy in healthier ways?
Is it possible to get rid of jealous feelings?
Are there any strategies to help a partner better cope with jealousy?

If you’re interested in practicing creative monogamy in your relationships, Joli has a free audio guide on bringing up the topic with a partner. She also offers a Jealousy MasterClass lecture. To learn more about these resources, visit jolihamilton.com

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.