Dr. Becky Kennedy, Millennial Parenting Whisperer, shares insights on how to raise confident and resilient kids. She also discusses relationship-mending skills for adults. Topics include repair in parenting, the changing nature of memory, separating core identity from behaviors, and the power of active listening and validation.
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Quick takeaways
Repairing relationships through open conversations and taking responsibility fosters learning and growth.
Helping children build coherent narratives about their experiences supports emotional development and self-trust.
Deep dives
The Importance of Repair in Relationships
Repair is the act of going back to a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior, and acknowledging the impact it had on another. It is the most important skill that any person can learn and practice in their relationships, according to Dr. Becky Kennedy. Repair is different from a simple apology, as it opens up a conversation and allows for learning and growth. Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of acknowledging what happened, taking responsibility, and discussing what could be done differently next time. Repairing relationships helps foster realism, hope, and possibility.
The Power of Changing Narratives
Narrative is a powerful tool for making sense of the world and managing emotions. By helping children build coherent narratives about their experiences, parents can support their emotional development. A child who feels understood and has their experiences validated is more likely to develop self-trust. Memories are not fixed, but rather, they change each time they are retold, and this process helps create a more coherent and organized life story. By reframing experiences and providing understanding, parents can help their children navigate and make sense of their world.
Supporting Self-Trust and Identity
Separating behavior from identity is crucial for children's self-trust and self-acceptance. When children make mistakes, it is important for parents to separate the actions from their core identity. Rather than labeling children as 'bad' or 'incorrect,' parents can help children understand that mistakes are separate from their value as a person. By acknowledging their struggle and differentiating between behavior and identity, parents can encourage curiosity, self-reflection, and personal growth. This approach fosters self-acceptance, resilience, and confidence in children.
The Power of Understanding
Understanding is essential for creating secure and meaningful relationships. The opposite of understanding is convincing, where individuals try to persuade others to adopt their perspective. Understanding involves active listening and empathetic presence, allowing individuals to connect and bridge different perspectives. By understanding one another, people feel heard, validated, and secure in their relationships. This understanding supports problem-solving, trust-building, and emotional well-being in both children and adults.
One of the most important things that humans do is learning how to relate – to ourselves, one another, and, crucially, to our parents. Dr. Becky Kennedy, who was deemed the “Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by Time Magazine, might understand this better than anyone. In this episode, Dr. Becky and Chris discuss how we can raise kids in ways that help them be confident and resilient. But don’t fret, non-parents, Dr. Becky also shares rich insights about how to find and develop the relationship-mending skills we need to thrive as adults. This jam-packed episode has a little something for everyone – and if you want more from Dr. Becky you can listen to her talk on TED Talks Daily, or find her on her own podcast, Good Inside with Dr. Becky, wherever you are listening to this. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts
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