Nicole Hardy, author of "Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin," shares her insights on embracing sexuality later in life after leaving the Mormon Church. She explores Elizabeth's journey as a 43-year-old seeking intimacy, navigating the emotional complexities of celibacy and societal pressures. The conversation also touches on the significance of self-discovery and overcoming religious trauma, offering advice on building healthy connections and reclaiming power. Their candid discussion promotes empowerment, curiosity, and the joy of embracing intimacy.
Elizabeth's journey highlights the emotional struggle of reconciling personal desires with societal expectations after leaving the Mormon Church.
Nicole emphasizes the importance of finding trustworthy partners and cultivating a positive body relationship to overcome shame and embrace sexuality.
Deep dives
Navigating the Transition from Faith
Leaving the Mormon Church can present significant challenges, particularly regarding personal identity and expectations around relationships. The experience of individuals like Elizabeth highlights the emotional struggle of feeling disconnected from traditional norms, especially with concepts of marriage and virginity heavily emphasized in the Church. As Elizabeth thought she would marry young and follow the expected path, the realization that she remains unmarried led to feelings of isolation and inadequacy related to her sexual experience. This burden of celibacy, combined with the strict moral teachings of the church, created a conflict between her desires and societal expectations.
Finding Trust and Connection
The journey of exploring one’s sexuality post-religion involves navigating personal desires while seeking a safe and trustworthy partner. Elizabeth expressed her need for a relationship built on trust and communication, particularly given her lack of experience. Nicole, a guest on the episode, shared her own journey and emphasized the importance of finding partners who prioritize care and openness in sexual experiences. This approach not only helps reduce anxiety about inexperience but also fosters a sense of safety and connection that is vital for healthy intimate relationships.
Confronting Cultural Shame
Cultural teachings around sexuality, particularly in conservative religious communities, can leave lasting feelings of shame and inadequacy. Both Elizabeth and Nicole discussed how they grappled with internalized shame surrounding their bodies and sexual desires, stemming from the conditioning they received. Nicole’s advice to cultivate a loving relationship with one's body is critical in overcoming these feelings, as it empowers individuals to embrace their sexuality positively. Recognizing that enjoyment and pleasure are natural aspects of life is essential for reclaiming personal agency over one’s body and desires.
The Importance of Community Support
Establishing connections in communities that embrace sexual positivity can significantly ease the transition to exploring intimacy after leaving restrictive environments. Both Elizabeth and Nicole discussed seeking relationships within circles of individuals who are navigating similar faith transitions, which can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Engaging with supportive communities helps reduce feelings of isolation and allows individuals to share experiences in a safe space. This shared journey not only facilitates learning about intimacy but also normalizes discussions around desires and insecurities, promoting healthier and more fulfilling connections.
For most of her life, Elizabeth was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which forbids having sex outside of marriage. But she recently left the Mormon faith, and now she’s ready to have sex for the first time—at age 43. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Nicole Hardy, author of Confessions of a Latter-Day Virginto offer Elizabeth advice that’s relevant to anyone who’s ready to tap into their sexuality later in life—but unsure how (or where! or with whom!) to start.
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The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.
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