#583: Susan Cain on Transforming Pain, Building Your Emotional Resilience, Exploring Sufi Wisdom, Tapping into Bittersweet Songs, and Seeking the Shards of Light

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Mar 31, 2022

Susan Cain, author of the bestselling 'Quiet' and 'Bittersweet,' dives into the profound interplay of joy and sorrow in our lives. She discusses how embracing bittersweet emotions can enhance creativity and emotional resilience. Cain explores longing in relationships and its artistic expression, unveiling how nostalgia and beauty inspire creativity. She also examines the therapeutic potential of confronting pain, including groundbreaking psychedelic treatments. Listeners are encouraged to expand their emotional vocabulary and seek connection through shared experiences.

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ANECDOTE

Funeral Music?

Susan Cain listened to sad music in her law school dorm.
Her friends questioned her music choice, sparking her research into bittersweetness.

INSIGHT

The Power of Sad Music

People listen to sad songs far more often than happy ones.
Sad music evokes chills, connection, and feelings of sublimity.

INSIGHT

Cracks and Light

Leonard Cohen's line, "There's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in," embodies bittersweetness.
It reflects the simultaneous beauty and brokenness of life.

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Bittersweet

Danielle Steel

Bittersweet is the story of India Taylor, a stay-at-home mom who has dedicated her life to her family. However, when she meets Paul Ward, a Wall Street tycoon, she begins to question the sacrifices she has made and the life she has chosen. With Paul's encouragement, India starts to rediscover her creativity and courage, leading her to make heart-wrenching decisions that change her life forever. The novel explores themes of freedom, dreams, and the complexities of relationships[1][3][5].

Quiet

The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Susan Cain

In 'Quiet', Susan Cain presents a comprehensive argument that modern Western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people. She charts the rise of the 'Extrovert Ideal' and explores how it permeates various aspects of society, including workplaces, schools, and social interactions. Cain draws on research from biology, psychology, neuroscience, and evolution to demonstrate that introversion is common, normal, and valuable. The book offers advice for introverts on functioning in an extrovert-dominated culture and advocates for changes to support and recognize the contributions of introverts. It also distinguishes between introversion, shyness, and anti-social behavior, and highlights the unique strengths of introverts, such as deep thinking, persistence, and excellent negotiation skills.

Quiet Journal

Susan Cain

The 'Quiet Journal' is a companion to Susan Cain's bestselling book 'Quiet', designed to help readers discover their strengths and become more confident. It includes a self-assessment quiz and prompts for self-reflection and action, making it a practical tool for both introverts and extroverts to enhance their communication skills and personal growth.

Quiet power

Helen Lowrie Marshall

Art Is the Highest Form of Hope & Other Quotes by Artists

Phaidon Editors

This book features a diverse range of quotes from artists across the globe, providing guidance on topics such as beauty, creativity, and the challenges of artistic life. It is a valuable resource for artists, collectors, and anyone interested in the arts. The quotes are drawn from diaries, letters, interviews, and more, offering a unique perspective into the minds of creative visionaries.

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Susan Cain (@susancain) is the author of Quiet Journal: Discover Your Secret Strengths and Unleash Your Inner Power, Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts, and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking, the latter of which spent eight years on the New York Times Best Sellers list and has been translated into 40 languages.

Susan’s first record-smashing TED Talk has been viewed more than 40 million times and was named by Bill Gates as one of his all-time favorite talks (and if you like that one, you should check out her most recent TED Talk with violinist Min Kym). LinkedIn named her the top sixth influencer in the world, just behind Richard Branson and Melinda Gates. Susan partners with Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, and Dan Pink to curate the Next Big Idea Club. They donate all of their proceeds to children’s literacy programs.

Her new book is Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole.

Please enjoy!

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Conversation around a book titled Bittersweet should always begin with dark chocolate. [06:00]

How did Susan arrive at the thesis for Bittersweet, and what did she learn about bittersweetness as a timeless human tradition? [06:52]

Where can someone curious about bittersweet music taste a sample of Susan’s favorites? [11:46]

Parallel wisdom for people of faith, hardcore atheists, and everyone in between from two of bittersweet art’s heaviest hitters: Leonard Cohen and Rumi. [12:14]

Why does minor key music often invoke melancholy? [16:31]

“Days of honey, days of onions.” Psychology may not (yet) distinguish between melancholy and depression, but wisdom traditions have known the difference for thousands of years. [20:04]

For those of us who closely associate depression and melancholy, what’s the value in seeking out the latter when we try so hard to avoid the former? [23:28]

Where Sufism fits in to Susan’s exploration of bittersweetness and search for a language of longing. [29:35]

Creativity as a byproduct of bittersweetness. [36:00]

Thoughts on the song “Hinach Yafah” by Idan Raichel. [39:08]

How is mono no aware expressed in your part of the world? [44:44]

How can someone begin attuning their senses to the feelings that feed into bittersweetness? [50:17]

Susan shares the now-framed email the man who would become her husband sent after their second date. [53:11]

Most of us long for people, places, and things that didn’t make it through the pandemic. RIP, Doma. [55:50]

An empathy exercise: what captions and subtitles would accompany the people around you? [56:53]

Can grief be inherited? Here’s what the science says. [1:00:49]

Learning to heal others helps us heal ourselves. [1:10:26]

What’s the unexpected benefit Susan enjoys by immersing herself in the theses of her books during the lengthy writing process? [1:13:08]

Favorite quotations from Art Is the Highest Form of Hope, a book Susan gifted my way a few years ago. [1:14:51]

A point Susan feels some readers of Bittersweet might underappreciate or misinterpret. [1:16:26]

A brief bask in the warm wisdom of Jana Levin and C.S. Lewis. [1:18:30]

Susan asks what made me shift gears from being an “I’m going to teach you to be successful” author to someone in search of ways to turn pain into beauty. [1:21:54]

Susan’s advice to her 30-year-old-self (and the any-aged rest of us), moral obligation, coping with life’s crossroads, and other parting thoughts. [1:37:12]

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