Esther Perel: The Modern World Can Sap Your Life Force. Here's How To Recapture It.

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Jan 5, 2026

Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author, dives deep into the complexities of modern relationships. She redefines eros as a life force linked to aliveness and creativity, while highlighting how contemporary life often depletes our vitality. The discussion touches on 'hostile dependency,' the need for community, and the importance of rituals in creating meaning. Esther emphasizes practical ways to rebuild connections, explore intimacy, and find joy in everyday moments. Through laughter, art, and touch, she encourages us to recapture our sense of feeling alive.

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INSIGHT

Eros Is Broader Than Sexuality

Eros means life force: creativity, vitality, and imagination beyond just sex.
Modern life narrows and numbs Eros by overthinking, isolating, and seeking certainty.

INSIGHT

Aliveness Opposes Numbness

Aliveness counters numbness, depression, and deadness, and can coexist with grief.
Erotic vitality is an energetic posture that changes your body and sense of possibility.

INSIGHT

Erotic And Spiritual Overlap

The erotic overlaps with the spiritual through transcendence, mystery, and collective resonance.
Singing or shared unison creates deep connection independent of words or familiarity.

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The legendary psychotherapist unpacks the concept of "hostile dependency" and explains why cutting people off doesn't always work.

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is a leading voice on modern relationships, known for her widely viewed TED Talks, bestselling books and the hit podcast. She runs a New York–based therapy practice and advises global organizations and platforms on the complexities of contemporary relationships.

Follow Esther Perel's podcast Where Should We Begin? on YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and subscribe to Entre Nous with Esther Perel on Substack for exclusive bonus content.

In this episode we talk about:

What Esther Perel really means by eros
How modern life quietly depletes our sense of feeling alive
Why aliveness can coexist with grief, pain, and difficulty
The danger of numbness
Introverts, extroverts, and the many non-social ways we experience vitality
Vital sources of connection and meaning
Co-regulation, touch, presence, and why words alone aren't enough
"Hostile dependency" and the paradoxes of long-term relationships
Why loneliness has become normalized, and why it shouldn't be
How to rebuild community through small, practical acts
Rituals as a way to mark time, create meaning, and feel grounded
The tension between individualism, belonging, and responsibility to others

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