From Shame to Understanding - A 5-Step Guide to Talking About ADHD with Your Partner
Apr 4, 2025
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Discover the complexities of navigating ADHD in relationships with insightful guidance. The hosts tackle tough questions about communication and support when one partner is hesitant to seek help. Learn how to address behaviors without triggering shame, and explore the significance of empathy in parenting discussions. They introduce a five-step process to foster understanding and proactive support, encouraging couples to replace criticism with curiosity. Dive into practical strategies for transforming your conversations about ADHD and strengthening your bond.
21:23
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Quick takeaways
Effective communication regarding ADHD involves sharing personal experiences and concerns, avoiding blame to foster understanding and empathy.
Implementing a five-step process to discuss ADHD in relationships encourages compassion, education, and support to navigate challenges together.
Deep dives
Addressing Resistance to ADHD Treatment
When one partner has ADHD but is resistant to seeking treatment or support, open and understanding communication is vital. It is important to explore the reasons behind their resistance, which may stem from feelings of shame or fear regarding medications and therapy. Partners should initiate conversations that focus on their own experiences and concerns related to ADHD, rather than placing blame or criticism on the affected individual. Ultimately, fostering a dialogue about these barriers can help both partners move toward a more supportive and understanding dynamic.
Communicating Impact Without Shame
Expressing how one’s partner's ADHD affects family dynamics is challenging but essential for healthy communication. Effective dialogue involves discussing the specific behaviors that are causing concern, in a way that avoids blame and focuses on shared parenting goals. This can be accomplished by sharing observations and encouraging dialogue rather than accusations, which helps to minimize feelings of shame. Partners must recognize that these conversations often require careful timing and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives.
Five-Step Process for Managing ADHD in Relationships
A structured approach to managing ADHD within a partnered relationship includes five critical steps: sincerely believe your partner’s experiences, avoid shaming them, educate yourself about ADHD, understand both your own and your partner's stories, and seek professional help when needed. This process emphasizes the importance of compassion towards one another, recognizing that ADHD is a complex condition that affects behavior and relationships. It also highlights the necessity of acknowledging the challenges faced by both partners while simultaneously taking actionable steps to improve the situation. Overall, addressing ADHD requires ongoing dialogue and a commitment to both individual and collective well-being.
Navigating the complexities of ADHD in relationships requires more than just understanding the condition—it demands a thoughtful approach to communication, empathy, and mutual support.
Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP tackle the tough questions head-on:
What do you do when your partner acknowledges their ADHD but refuses any support or treatment?
How can you communicate the impact of their behaviors without triggering shame?
What happens when you notice your partner criticizing ADHD traits in your child—the very same traits they demonstrate themselves?
Each of these scenarios creates unique relationship dynamics that can either strengthen or fracture your partnership, depending on how you navigate them.
The heart of this episode is our five-step process for addressing ADHD in relationships. It begins with truly believing your partner's experience, whether they're sharing how ADHD affects them or how they're impacted by your ADHD behaviors. The second critical step is removing shame from the equation—no belittling, no treating your partner like "another child," no judgment. From there, we emphasize education, understanding each other's ADHD stories, and finally taking meaningful action through appropriate supports.
Ready to transform how you and your partner talk about ADHD? Listen now, and discover how to replace criticism with curiosity, defensiveness with understanding, and conflict with compassion. Your relationship—and your family—will thank you.
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