2013: Why Apologize to Your Young Adult if it Didn’t Happen or You Don’t Remember it? by Dr. Jack Stoltzfus of Parents Letting Go on Emotional Healing
Dec 28, 2023
10:48
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Dr. Jack Stoltzfus, expert on parent-young adult relationships, explores the transformative power of apologies. He stresses the importance of acknowledging past actions, even when memories are unclear. Apologizing fosters emotional healing and stronger familial bonds.
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Quick takeaways
Apologizing to young adults, even if the parent doesn't recall the event or believes it didn't happen, is crucial for repairing and strengthening the parent-young adult relationship.
Validating young adults' feelings about past incidents and acknowledging their experience helps promote a healthier emotional separation between parent and young adult.
Deep dives
The Power of Apologizing to Young Adults
Apologizing to young adults, even if the parent doesn't recall the event or believes it didn't happen, is crucial for repairing and strengthening the parent-young adult relationship. Dr. Jack Stoltzfuss emphasizes the importance of apologizing as a way for parents to move beyond the need to defend or justify their actions, prioritizing emotional well-being over being right. Apologizing is seen as a gift that sets both the parent and young adult free from resentment and blame, enabling the young adult to let go of anger and the parent to take responsibility for their parenting. It also models the importance of taking responsibility for one's actions and challenges young adults to do the same.
The Role of Perception in Apologizing
Dr. Stoltzfuss highlights that when it comes to childhood memories, each person's perception is their reality. The accuracy of the memory may differ, but the feelings associated with it are valid. He encourages parents to listen nonjudgmentally and non-defensively, demonstrating empathy and compassion for their young adults' feelings about past incidents. By validating how the young adult feels and acknowledging their experience, parents can help soften the tendency to take things personally and promote a healthier emotional separation between parent and young adult.
The Complexity of Apologies
While apologizing is important, the delivery and reception of apologies can be complex and depend on individual family dynamics. Dr. Stoltzfuss cautions that apologies should not be seen as admissions of the other person's perception being entirely accurate. Instead, apologizing is a way to prioritize love and the relationship over being right. It is an opportunity for parents to show love, take responsibility for their actions, and challenge young adults to take responsibility for their actions as well. Each parent-child relationship is unique, requiring a deeper understanding and tailored approach to navigate unresolved issues.
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Episode 2013:
Dr. Jack Stoltzfus, in his insightful article, emphasizes the transformative power of apologies in the dynamics of parent-young adult relationships. He advocates for acknowledging past actions, even when memories are unclear, as a vital step in nurturing love and responsibility, transcending the need to be right for the sake of emotional healing and stronger familial bonds.