Maybe "Good Enough" Is Actually Enough? When Perfectionism Backfires.
Aug 15, 2023
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David Burns, a guest on the podcast, discusses the illusion of perfectionism and its negative consequences. The conversation explores topics like the Big Five Personality Scale, origins and consequences of perfectionism, the impact of social media and helicopter parenting, and generational differences. They also touch on subjects such as income inequality, UBI, and the influence of parents on children's lives.
Perfectionism is driven by societal factors such as intense workplace competition, social media, and helicopter parenting.
Perfectionism has different dimensions, including self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed, and can be measured through self-report questionnaires.
The focus on elite individuals and their achievements creates survivor bias and fuels the pressure to constantly strive for unrealistic standards.
Addressing pervasive perfectionism requires collective action, including policies like universal basic income and reducing income inequality.
Deep dives
The Pressure to Achieve Perfection
The podcast episode explores the intense pressure in today's society to achieve perfection, whether it be in education, sports, or personal accomplishments. The story of Lance Armstrong and the cycling world highlights the pervasive culture of doping, demonstrating how individuals can feel compelled to engage in certain behaviors to keep up with the herd. This pressure is also seen in the college admissions scandal, where parents went to extreme lengths to secure their children's acceptance into top universities. The episode emphasizes the importance of understanding the broader context and systemic issues that contribute to this culture of perfection, rather than solely blaming individuals for their choices.
The Complex Nature of Perfectionism
The podcast delves into the complexity of perfectionism, defining it as a desire to be perfect and a harsh self-criticism when falling short of those impossible standards. It highlights the different dimensions of perfectionism, including self-oriented perfectionism, where individuals strive for personal perfection, socially prescribed perfectionism, where external pressures drive the need for perfection, and other-oriented perfectionism, where individuals project their high standards onto others. The episode emphasizes that perfectionism is a multifaceted characteristic, measured through self-report questionnaires, but acknowledges the limitations and imperfection of such measurements.
Survivor Bias and Unrealistic Standards
The podcast examines the concept of survivor bias and how it distorts our perception of success. Using examples like Lance Armstrong and the Varsity Blues college admissions scandal, the episode highlights how the focus on elite individuals and their achievements can overshadow the countless others who were not able to attain the same level of success. This survivor bias perpetuates the illusion of attainable perfection and fuels the pressure to constantly strive for unrealistic standards. The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing that success is influenced by a multitude of factors and that not everyone will have the same opportunities or outcomes.
The Value of Education in an Increasingly Competitive Environment
The podcast raises the question of whether a college education is still worth it in today's highly competitive and uncertain job market. While education has traditionally been seen as a great social leveler, providing enrichment and personal growth, the episode acknowledges that the value of a college degree is less clear-cut now. The pressure to attend prestigious universities, the increasing cost of education, and concerns about job security and income potential create a more complex decision-making process for young people. The episode encourages individuals to consider their passions and interests when determining whether higher education is the right path for them, while also acknowledging the systemic issues that need to be addressed to ensure education remains accessible and beneficial for all.
The influence of societal pressures on perfectionism
Living in an economy that prioritizes growth and success at all costs puts immense pressure on individuals to strive for perfection. The expansion of social media, the competitive world of education and employment, and the individualistic nature of our culture all contribute to the prevalence of perfectionism. These external factors create an environment where people feel the need to constantly prove themselves and achieve high standards. While genetics play a role in perfectionistic tendencies, it is crucial to recognize the societal and cultural factors that perpetuate this mindset.
The impact of meritocracy on education and career pursuits
The obsession with success and achievement in our society places immense pressure on young people to excel academically and secure prestigious jobs. The intense competition for limited opportunities at elite universities and in the job market leads to anxiety, stress, and a fear of failure. The meritocracy trap perpetuates the belief that one needs to go to a top-tier university and pursue high-paying careers to be considered successful. While it is important to strive for personal growth and development, we must also question whether this singular focus on academic and professional success is healthy or necessary for a fulfilling life.
The importance of unconditional love and support in parenting
Parenting plays a crucial role in shaping perfectionistic tendencies in children. While genetics and external factors have an impact, parents are the primary influencers of a child's values, beliefs, and attitudes. It is essential for parents to provide unconditional love and support to their children, regardless of their achievements or failures. Emphasizing that failure is a part of life and does not define one's worth can help children develop a healthier mindset. By fostering an environment of love and acceptance, parents can counteract the societal pressures that contribute to perfectionism.
The need for collective efforts to create a culture of less perfectionism
Addressing the pervasive perfectionism in our society requires collective action. Recognizing that our economy's relentless pursuit of growth and success fuels perfectionistic tendencies is essential. Introducing policies such as universal basic income (UBI) and reducing income inequality can provide individuals with the security and freedom to pursue their passions and find meaning in their lives. Additionally, fostering a culture that values well-being, purpose, and human connection over constant achievement can contribute to a healthier and more balanced society.
“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” —anonymous
“Perfection is man’s ultimate illusion. It simply doesn’t exist in the universe. If you are a perfectionist, you are guarantee to be a loser in whatever you do.” —David Burns
Today, burnout and depression are at record levels, driven by a combination of intense workplace competition, oppressively ubiquitous social media encouraging comparisons with others, the quest for elite credentials, and helicopter parenting. Society continually broadcasts the need to want more, and to be perfect.
Shermer and Curran discuss: • Curran’s own perfectionism and how that led him to research perfection • What is perfection? Is he measuring perfection or something else? • The Big Five Personality Scale (OCEAN) and where perfection falls in it • goals, meritocracy, high standards, and conscientiousness • self-oriented vs. other-oriented vs. socially prescribed perfectionism • Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, Lance Armstrong • origins of perfectionism • consequences of perfectionism • social media • income inequality, UBI, GDP, economics • helicopter parenting and coddling • generational differences in perfectionism.
Thomas Curran is a professor of psychology at the London School of Economics and author of a landmark study that the BBC hailed as “the first to compare perfectionism across generations.” His TED talk on perfectionism has received more than three million views. His research has been featured in media ranging from the Harvard Business Review to New Scientist to CNN and he has appeared on numerous television and radio programs. He is the author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough.
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