Moment 155: The "Post Date 8" Questions You Need To Ask To Find 'The One' - Logan Ury
Mar 29, 2024
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Behavioural expert and dating coach, Logan Ury, discusses the importance of dating like a scientist, focusing on fundamental qualities rather than a rigid checklist. She shares 8 post-date questions to help assess long-term compatibility, emphasizing self-reflection and authenticity in relationships.
Focus on essential elements for long-term happiness in a partner, not just physical traits.
Approach dating with an open mind, like a scientist, to discover genuine compatibility beyond initial expectations.
Deep dives
Key Point 1: The Evolution of Partner Preferences
As individuals mature, their criteria for an ideal partner shifts from superficial traits like physical appearance to essential elements for long-term happiness. The speaker emphasizes that focusing on sexual and intellectual connections, alongside mutual personal growth, is more crucial than mere physical attributes. Moving away from superficial 'relation shopping' towards deeper 'relation shipping' aids in finding genuine long-term compatibility.
Key Point 2: Ditching the 'Checklist' Mentality in Relationships
The speaker challenges the common practice of creating a checklist for a perfect partner by encouraging a more open-minded approach to dating. Advising to 'date like a scientist,' they advocate for exploring connections beyond one's preconceived notions. Emphasizing that initial perceptions of an ideal partner often miss the mark, the speaker highlights the importance of being open to unexpected matches that bring out the best in each individual.
Key Point 3: Shifting Focus to Genuine Connections and Experiences
The discussion introduces a post-date evaluation method, the 'post date eight,' aimed at fostering a more mindful approach to dating. By redirecting attention from superficial qualities to experiential interactions, individuals can better assess the quality of a potential relationship. The concept of 'relation shipping' over 'relation shopping' advocates for prioritizing authentic connections and personal growth over checklist-based criteria, leading to more fulfilling and sustainable partnerships.
In this moment, behavioural expert and dating coach, Logan Ury discusses the 3 fundamental things to look for in a partner. Too often people have a rigid list of exact traits that they want in their future partner in relationship science this is called, ‘relationship shopping’. This is the idea of shopping for your partner like you would do with any product online. However, more often than not, people end up in a long term relationship with someone who has none of these traits. The reason for this is that while people may think they know what they want, they are wrong. Instead, Logan says you need to date like a scientist, experimenting and constantly changing your hypothesis of what you want in a partner. This can be achieved by using Logan’s 8 questions to ask yourself after a date, the focus of this is examining who are you around that person, and what side of you do they bring out, as this is who you will be for the rest of the relationship.