LIVE from KUYA Wellness: A Discussion on Secure Relating & Tough Conversations (248)
Oct 22, 2024
auto_awesome
Pam Benson Owens, President and CEO of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc., joins the conversation to discuss secure relating. They tackle the neuroscience of relationships, emphasizing attachment styles and the creation of safe spaces for dialogue. The discussion highlights generational trauma's impact on relationships and the significance of emotional regulation. Personal stories reveal the transformative power of self-awareness and the importance of pausing and practicing curiosity in tough conversations, enhancing emotional intelligence in a diverse society.
Understanding relational neuroscience allows individuals to navigate interactions more effectively by recognizing their neural responses to stress and safety.
Awareness of attachment styles fosters empathy and clarity in relationships, highlighting how personal history shapes responses in challenging situations.
Establishing boundaries is essential for personal growth and well-being, creating safe spaces for interaction while promoting healthier negotiations in relationships.
Deep dives
The Transformative Power of Literature
Reading can lead to profound personal transformations, as highlighted in this episode. A guest shared her experience with a transformative book that significantly changed how she interacts in various roles, including as a parent and an activist. Instead of responding reactively in emotionally charged situations, she learned to pause, assess the underlying emotions like anxiety and fear, and choose a more constructive reaction. This approach not only empowers individuals but also fosters a sense of peace, enabling them to navigate complex interactions more effectively.
Understanding Relational Neuroscience
Relational neuroscience is critical for understanding how we relate to one another, particularly in times of stress. The discussion emphasizes that from birth, two neural systems shape our interactions: one focused on self-protection and the other on connection. Feeling safe is essential for optimal engagement, as feeling threatened activates our protective instincts, distorting our perception and reactions. Thus, recognizing these neural responses and understanding their implications can help individuals manage their behaviors and interactions more effectively.
Attachment Styles and Personal Dynamics
Attachment styles play a significant role in shaping relationships and responses to interactions. People respond differently based on their early experiences and ingrained wiring, impacting how they react to challenges and conflicts. The conversation points out that what may activate one person might not trigger someone else, illustrating how deeply personal and individual these attachments are. This awareness can lead to better empathy and understanding among individuals, as they navigate their relationships with greater clarity.
The Importance of Awareness and Regulation
Cultivating awareness about emotional states and how they affect interactions is crucial for personal growth and relationship health. Practicing emotional regulation allows individuals to avoid reactivity in challenging situations, fostering more authentic connections. The guests discussed the significance of maintaining the 'green zone,' where one can operate from a place of safety and connection, as opposed to the heightened states of red (anger) or blue (withdrawal). This awareness enables individuals to engage more thoughtfully, avoiding potential conflicts and promoting healthier conversations.
Boundaries as Empowering Tools
Establishing boundaries is a vital aspect of secure relating and personal well-being. Unlike walls that cut off connections, boundaries create clarity and delineate safe spaces for interactions. The discussion underscores that individuals don't have to tolerate unhealthy relationships just for the sake of understanding; they can maintain their well-being by recognizing when to step back. Empowered by understanding their triggers and the need for boundaries, individuals can navigate complex social dynamics without suppressing their emotions or identities.
Alongside Pam Benson Owens, Ann and Sue explore a variety of topics with a live audience at the KUYA Wellness center in Austin, TX. Referencing their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, they delve into the neuroscience behind relationships, discussing attachment styles and emotional regulation, and emphasize the importance of creating safe spaces for dialogue. They highlight the significance of understanding generational trauma and the complexities of navigating relationships in a diverse society. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they shine a light on the power of self-awareness, encouraging listeners to explore their own emotional landscapes with compassion and curiosity. Learn how creating safe spaces for open dialogue can deepen connections, while understanding the role of pauses and curiosity in everyday conversations.
“The power of the pause is essential.” – Pam Benson Owens
Time Stamps for KUYA
07:05 Understanding Neuroscience in Relationships
20:28 Navigating Emotional States and Attachment
30:00 Creating Safe Spaces in Conversations
34:51 Navigating Activation and Agency
39:41 The Role of Shame in Learning
44:14 The Power of the Pause and Curiosity
49:36 Strategic Communication in Relationships
54:43 Repression vs. Calibration of Emotions
01:00:17 Cultural Norms and DEI Conversations
01:03:05 Boundaries in Relationships
01:05:20 Generational Trauma and Cultural Clashes
About our Guest – Pam Benson Owens, President & CEO
Pamela Benson Owens is the President and CEO of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc and is also serving as the CEO of Six Square. For 25+ years Pam has owned Edge of Your Seat Consulting, a unique consulting firm that is dedicated to assisting for-profit, nonprofit, and faith-based entities. The major focus of Edge of Your Seat Consulting, Inc., is to provide methodologies that help manage perceptions and narratives about complex and challenging issues with courage and strategic passion. Pam leverages humor and honest storytelling to create memorable and applicable strategies for sustainable and substantive change. Pam serves on several non-profit boards, is the co-chair of the Black Fund a partnership with Austin Community Foundation, joyfully serves on the faculty of the Center for Nonprofit Excellence at Austin Community College, is often a guest lecturer at institutions of higher learning and thrives on the opportunities her consultancy work paves the way to assist organizations to be stronger by navigating the nuances of organizational culture.
And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!!