The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

437: High Functioning Codependency with Terri Cole

Dec 19, 2024

Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship expert, dives into high-functioning codependency, shedding light on its roots in societal expectations and family dynamics. She reveals how go-getters often sacrifice their well-being while managing others' lives. Terri offers insights on recognizing unhealthy patterns, the difference between guilt and shame, and the significance of setting boundaries. Listeners will appreciate her practical strategies for fostering genuine connections and reclaiming personal freedom.

58:01

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Episode guests

Terri Cole

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Quick takeaways

High-functioning codependency often stems from societal expectations, leading individuals to prioritize others' needs, neglecting their own well-being.

To break free from self-abandonment, individuals should cultivate self-awareness and set healthy boundaries in their relationships.

Transforming relationships involves shifting from giving unsolicited advice to asking empowering questions that promote mutual support and autonomy.

Deep dives

Understanding High Functioning Codependency

High functioning codependency (HFC) is characterized by an over-investment in the emotions and situations of others, often leading individuals to neglect their own well-being. The phenomenon generally arises from societal expectations ingrained from childhood, where individuals, particularly women, are taught to prioritize others’ needs over their own. Unlike traditional views of codependency, which often anchor on the presence of addiction, HFC encompasses highly capable individuals who manage many responsibilities yet feel responsible for resolving others' problems. By redefining these patterns, many individuals can recognize their struggles without shame and begin understanding how their behaviors impact their personal wellness.

Intro

4min

Understanding High Functioning Codependency

15min

Navigating High-Functioning Codependency

30min

Understanding Healthy Empathy vs. Anxious Codependency

2min

Understanding People Pleasing within Codependency

3min

Understanding Attachment Styles and Codependency in Relationships

3min

In this episode, we’re exploring the world of high-functioning codependency with our guest, Terri Cole. This isn't your typical chat about codependency; Terri's giving it a fresh spin, especially for those of us who juggle a million things and still find time to care a little too much about everyone else's problems.

Terri breaks down how high-functioning codependents — often the go-getters and perfectionists among us — end up sacrificing their own well-being. Sound familiar? We get into the nitty-gritty of societal norms, early family expectations, and how these can set the stage for burnout. But luckily, Terri has strategies to help us break free from these patterns and set healthy boundaries.

Terri shares how to foster real connections without feeling like you have to manage everyone else's life. If you’re ready to transform your relationships and reclaim your personal freedom, you won’t want to miss this chat.

In this episode, you will hear:

The origins and societal pressures contributing to high-functioning codependency.
Strategies for overcoming self-abandonment and shifting from external validation to internal peace.
The importance of setting boundaries and recognizing unhealthy patterns in relationships.
The difference between guilt and shame and the impact of societal upbringing on codependency.
Resources for fostering genuine connections and achieving personal freedom.

Resources from this Episode

https://www.terricole.com/HFC/

52 week journal - michellechalfant.com/52week

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