Really Hearing Our Own Voices (Carol Gilligan): GROWING UP
Jul 29, 2024
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Carol Gilligan, a renowned psychologist and author, dives into the societal pressures shaping boys and girls from a young age. She discusses how boys feel compelled to be tough, while girls grapple with the burden of perfection. Gilligan emphasizes the need to recognize the impact of gender roles on emotional health and the importance of amplifying women's voices in psychology. The conversation also touches on the struggles of modern motherhood, societal expectations, and the journey towards authentic self-expression.
Gender norms significantly shape boys and girls' identities, influencing their social behaviors and emotional expressions from a young age.
Carol Gilligan's groundbreaking research revealed that traditional psychological studies have historically neglected women's experiences and moral development.
Cultural narratives enforcing rigid gender roles hinder women's self-expression and foster competition, emphasizing the need for nurturing qualities in all individuals.
Deep dives
Impact of Gender Norms on Development
Research indicates that gender norms significantly impact the development of boys and girls, shaping their identities and social behaviors. According to Carol Gilligan, girls are conditioned to prioritize relationships and fear exclusion, whereas boys are pressured to adopt toughness to fit in. This leads to a divergence in moral reasoning, where girls often feel compelled to suppress their true feelings to maintain social harmony. Consequently, the societal expectation for girls to be agreeable can adversely affect their self-expression and confidence.
The Need for a Feminine Perspective in Psychology
The historical bias in psychological research is evident, with many foundational studies focusing almost exclusively on boys, leaving the female perspective largely unexamined. Carol Gilligan's seminal work in the 1980s challenged these norms by investigating girls’ moral development, revealing that their sense of morality is relational and centered on care rather than strict adherence to laws. This realization was both groundbreaking and controversial, as it shed light on a vastly underserved segment of the population in psychological studies. Gilligan's work also highlighted the limitations of previous theories, suggesting that the psychological framework must evolve to include women's voices and experiences.
Cultural Contempt for Femininity
The conversation reveals deep-seated cultural contempt for what is deemed feminine, which hampers women's ability to support one another effectively. This manifests in a pervasive fear among women to deviate from traditional expectations, exacerbating rivalry rather than solidarity. As societal standards increasingly laud masculine qualities—strength, independence—women often internalize these values, creating a damaging cycle of competition. Underneath this behavior lies a complex myriad of social conditioning that continues to discourage women from expressing their authentic selves fully.
The Consequences of Silencing Self-Expression
The silencing of self-expression for both genders carries significant psychological repercussions. Women who suppress their voices in relationships often experience feelings of isolation and disconnection, leading to depression and a distorted sense of self-worth. Simultaneously, men who feel pressured to fit into rigid masculine ideals may struggle with emotional vulnerability, impacting their interpersonal relationships and mental health. This shared challenge highlights the fundamental need for cultivating environments where all individuals feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions freely.
Reassessing Cultural Narratives Around Gender
An important theme discussed is the necessity of reassessing the cultural narratives that have long dictated gender roles and expectations. Both Carol Gilligan and her former student, Niobe Weid, stress the importance of recognizing that nurturing and care, often coded as feminine traits, are essential human qualities. By embracing a more nuanced understanding of gender that celebrates both masculinity and femininity, society can progress toward healthier interpersonal dynamics. This shift could foster a collective movement towards equilibrium, dismantling harmful stereotypes and reimagining relationships based on mutual respect and care.
Dr. Carol Gilligan is an esteemed professor and developmental psychologist, who is the author of a landmark book called In a Different Voice—a book that I talk about and write about all the time. Back in the ‘80s—Gilligan is 87 now and still working—she looked at all the research from the likes of Lawrence Kohlberg and Piaget and made a stunning and obvious realization: These developmental psychologist giants had only ever studied boys. Typically white, middle-class boys. In response, Gilligan did a study on girls and moral development, a groundbreaking look into how culture genders our response to the world: Gilligan found that for girls, morality is relational and rooted in care—not so much law—and that fear of separation from relationship encouraged these girls to stop saying what they know. She struggled to get this study published—it was rejected multiple times—and has since become the most requested reprint out of Harvard. It also became the subject of In a Different Voice, which has sold 500,000 copies—unheard of in academic publishing. Everything that Carol Gilligan shares with us in this conversation is a revelation and also deeply resonant—and something you will know to be true. Before I go, if you missed Niobe Way’s episode from a few weeks ago, tune in to that next—Niobe was Carol’s student, and has done for boys what Carol has done for girls.
