193: Live Call Q&A - Control What You Can Control: Marriage Conflict, 🌽orn Struggle & Discipline

Nov 17, 2025

This lively Q&A dives deep into the complexities of marriage, tackling common challenges like doormat behaviors and the struggle for connection. Insights on serving from love rather than fear are shared, alongside practical advice for effective communication and setting boundaries. The discussion shifts to addressing relational trauma within partnerships and the importance of healing through connection. Additionally, there's a candid exploration of the impact of pornography and the value of professional help in overcoming addiction. Time management tips round out the conversation, emphasizing control and flexibility.

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ANECDOTE

Doormat Patterns Reappearing

Chase shares he repeatedly reverts to doormat patterns despite a healthy new marriage.
He notices retreating into pursuit of connection and replaying old relational programs.

INSIGHT

Two Powerful People In Marriage

Jason Valentine distinguishes serving from love versus abandoning yourself out of fear.
He says healthy relationships require both partners to be powerful and have needs respected.

ADVICE

Learn Communication Over Dominance

Equip yourself with communication and boundary skills rather than louder dominance.
Learn to confront softly, name your need, and train to handle conflict without withdrawing or exploding.

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In this BraveCo live Q&A, I sit down with a few brave men who are willing to ask the questions most guys keep to themselves. We talk honestly about what it looks like to stop abandoning yourself in marriage, how to confront fear without becoming controlling, and how to show up as a powerful man without losing connection at home.

I answer a vulnerable question from a married man who keeps falling back into “doormat” patterns and feels exhausted from replaying old relational trauma in a new relationship. We unpack the difference between serving from love vs. abandoning yourself from fear, what it means to be two powerful people in a marriage, and how to build real skills in conflict, boundaries, and communication. I also share why you cannot heal relational trauma outside of relationship and give practical language you can start using today.

Later in the episode, I address how I would counsel a woman in her 20s who struggles with pornography and why investing in expert help for addiction is one of the most important decisions you can make. We talk about porn as a fake solution to real pain, how to rewire your brain, and why good friends aren’t always good guides. We finish by talking with a close friend about time management, discipline, and how to control what you can control without becoming rigid and angry at the world. If you’re a man who wants to grow stronger in marriage, purity, and purpose, this episode is for you.

Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction
00:28 – Live Q&A Kickoff and First Caller Introduction
01:01 – “I Keep Becoming a Doormat in My Marriage”
03:21 – Two Powerful People: Honesty, Needs & Fear of Disappointment
07:00 – Building Communication & Boundary Skills as a Man
11:12 – Healing Relational Trauma Inside Relationship
14:40 – Counseling a Woman in Her 20s Who Struggles with Porn
16:39 – Why You Need Expert Help for Addiction (Not Just Good Friends)
19:36 – Time Management, Discipline & Things You Can’t Control
23:37 – Flexibility, Purpose & Final Encouragement to Brave Men

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/

ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.