How to be a better partner and improve your relationship
Jan 29, 2024
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Karen Doherty, a neurodiversity specialist couples therapist, shares her expertise on improving relationships impacted by ADHD. She discusses the importance of empathetic communication, offering practical strategies like using code words to de-escalate conflicts. Karen emphasizes mutual education about neurodiversity as a way to strengthen relationships and highlights the role of therapy in enhancing emotional connections. Personal accountability and effective dialogue are key to navigating challenges faced by neurodivergent and neurotypical partners.
Understanding ADHD within relationships fosters empathy and humor, allowing couples to navigate challenges and improve communication effectively.
Educating both partners about neurodiversity and implementing structured check-ins can enhance relationship dynamics and promote healthier interactions.
Deep dives
Understanding ADHD and Relationships
ADHD diagnosis can provide clarity regarding individual behaviors, yet it often raises new questions about how these behaviors impact relationships. After receiving their diagnoses, Katie and Sam discuss the importance of understanding ADHD within their relationships, recognizing the need for both partners to educate themselves on how neurodiversity influences their dynamics. They mention that having this mutual understanding helps couples approach their interactions with more empathy and humor, reducing conflict and promoting collaborative problem-solving. For instance, by acknowledging their ADHD traits, they have navigated challenges better and improved their relationship communication.
Educational Strategies for Couples
Education emerges as a critical strategy for couples where one or both partners are neurodiverse. Relationship counselor Karen emphasizes that understanding the differences in communication styles and needs between neurotypical and neurodiverse individuals is essential for fostering healthy interactions. She suggests that both partners should actively engage in learning about each other's experiences and the effects of ADHD on their behavior to bridge gaps in understanding. By implementing structured check-ins, couples can create a time-bound space for meaningful conversations, preventing disconnection during busy or stressful periods.
De-escalation Techniques in Conversations
Emotional escalations during discussions can be particularly challenging in relationships involving ADHD, with one partner often reacting more intensely. Karen proposes the use of specific strategies, such as code words, to signal the need for a pause when conversations become heated. This approach allows both partners to step back and re-evaluate their emotional states before resuming discussion, minimizing reactive outbursts. Regularly practicing these techniques can establish healthier communication patterns, ultimately leading to greater relationship stability.
Addressing Guilt and Resentment
Guilt can significantly affect individuals newly diagnosed with ADHD, especially regarding how their behaviors may have impacted their partners. Both Katie and Sam reflect on the importance of acknowledging this guilt and shifting the narrative to understanding their behavioral patterns, rather than fixing blame. Karen highlights the necessity of mutual comprehension and patience as couples navigate the complexities of their differing experiences and emotions. Building an equitable approach to responsibilities and emotions, as well as honest discussions about needs, can reduce resentment and foster a supportive partnership.
Earlier in series 1, Sam and Katie spoke to neurodiversity specialist couples therapist Karen Doherty about how ADHD has impacted their relationships. The conversation gave them a lot to think about. So, they’ve invited Karen back to answer more of their questions. Plus she shares practical tips that couples can use to help improve their relationships.
Find out more on Karen's website: karendohertycoaching.co.uk