The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
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Mar 9, 2025
Marriage can often seem perfect from the outside, but this discussion unveils the messy truth behind personal struggles and relational dynamics. The speaker shares their journey through couples therapy, highlighting the pivotal role of vulnerability and communication in relationships. With insights from a charismatic therapist, they confront emotional triggers and childhood traumas, promoting deeper connections. This candid exploration emphasizes the importance of emotional ownership and personal growth in navigating the complexities of love.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Daniel's Anger in Therapy
Daniel and Jess, a couples therapist, attended therapy with Terry Real.
During a session, Daniel's anger issues and how he handles distress became the focus.
insights INSIGHT
Real's Approach to Therapy
Terry Real is known for confronting clients, especially men, about their immaturity.
His approach emphasizes the importance of addressing emotional issues in relationships.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Affordable Therapy and Relationship Dynamics
Daniel and Jess volunteered for affordable therapy with Real, waiving confidentiality.
Their marriage was a mix of good and bad times, sometimes resembling characters from pop culture.
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In this book, Terrence Real presents a revolutionary approach to modern marriage, highlighting the changes in women's roles and the need for men to adapt. Real provides practical strategies and exercises to help women identify and articulate their needs, listen well, set limits, and appreciate what they have. The book aims to help couples achieve profound emotional closeness and fulfill the vision of having lifelong friends and lovers. Real draws on his extensive experience helping thousands of couples shift from despair to intimacy.
I Don't Want to Talk About It
The Hidden Epidemic of Depression in Men
Terry Real
Terry Real's "I Don't Want to Talk About It" explores the hidden epidemic of depression in men, connecting it to societal expectations of masculinity and emotional repression. The book delves into the roots of male depression, often tracing them back to childhood experiences and the impact of traditional gender roles. Real challenges the notion of stoicism and encourages men to embrace vulnerability and emotional expression. He provides practical strategies for men to address their emotional struggles and build healthier relationships. The book's impact lies in its ability to validate the experiences of men struggling with depression and offer a path towards healing and connection.
One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.
This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.
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