The Sabrina Zohar Show 177: What's Actually Happening In An Avoidant's Brain When They Pull Away W/ Chris Lee
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Dec 12, 2025 Neuroscientist Chris Lee dives deep into the brain's mechanics behind emotional withdrawal and avoidance strategies in relationships. He explains how past traumas inform our nervous system responses and triggers, and why anxious activation can feel so overwhelming. Listeners learn about the state–story–strategy framework and how to practice healthier communication during conflicts. Chris also shares insights on recognizing dysregulation, the importance of journaling, and the best ways to move on after a breakup with avoidant partners. A must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of modern relationships!
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State→Story→Strategy Framework
- State→Story→Strategy explains reactions: your neurological state shapes the story you tell and the strategy you choose.
- Regulating your state creates choice to adopt different stories and strategies instead of reacting automatically.
Triggers Are Predictive Mechanisms
- Triggers are predictive, not literal: your nervous system compares present cues to past threats and deploys familiar survival states.
- That predictive mechanism explains why neutral actions can elicit strong, automatic responses.
Safety Reveals Unprocessed Emotion
- Safer partners often surface more unprocessed material because co-regulation increases safety and bandwidth for emotion.
- Safety doesn't remove triggers; it reveals them and invites repair if handled well.