Autistic + ADHD partners often collide around regulation. Here’s how to stop the clashes and build connection with real-world scripts, rituals, and repeatable practices.
If you need clear, practical tools to make a neurodiverse relationship feel calmer and more connected, this episode delivers! Jodi and licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) break down exactly how autistic self-regulators and ADHD co-regulators can stop clashing and start syncing up—so both partners feel seen, safe, and respected.
Greg shares the exact rituals he and his wife use after 30+ years together—like a 20–30 minute transition buffer before reconnecting after time apart, a simple “commute-call” habit that creates connection without pressure, and a prepare → attune → debrief framework for handling events like parties or family gatherings.
You’ll hear why effort often feels invisible, why “fair” doesn’t always mean equal, and how shifting from content fights to process check-ins changes everything. We also dig into scripts for setting capacity limits, what shutdowns and alexithymia look like, and a quick connect → ground rhythm you can try today.
If you missed Part 1, circle back for the mindset shifts that make these tools stick.
💡 This episode is especially helpful for:
- Autistic–ADHD couples who keep clashing over how they calm down or connect
- Partners who want closeness without losing themselves (empathy + boundaries)
- Late-identified adults looking for simple scripts and daily rituals to cut conflict and feel safer together
00:00 – Welcome to Season Five
01:48 – When couples therapy backfires (“the wrongness trap”)
03:02 – Self-regulation vs. co-regulation in ASD and ADHD
06:43 – The 20–30 minute transition ritual that prevents conflict
09:10 – Why effort is invisible and scorekeeping fails
17:14 – The commute-call ritual for daily attunement
20:26 – Two rules for safety in communication
26:53 – The couple’s event game plan: Prepare → Attune → Debrief
31:24 – Reflection over rehashing: how growth really happens
About Greg Fuqua:
Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.
Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.
Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.
Resources:
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👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd
Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.
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YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton, MEd