How to Cultivate a Deep-Rooted Marriage, feat. Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call
Mar 27, 2025
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Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call, both Enneagram authors and marriage therapists, share their insights on cultivating deep-rooted marriages. They discuss the impact of curiosity in resolving conflicts and the significance of gratitude and playfulness in strengthening bonds. The duo explores how the Enneagram can guide couples in understanding emotional dynamics, addressing shame, and enhancing intimacy. Listeners gain practical advice for nurturing understanding and rejoicing in the unique quirks of their partners, fostering lasting connections.
Understanding the Enneagram enhances self-awareness and communication in relationships, helping couples navigate conflicts with clarity and compassion.
Prioritizing curiosity during disputes fosters a healthy dialogue, mitigating defensiveness and transforming conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection.
Deep dives
Value of the Enneagram in Relationships
The Enneagram is appreciated for its role in enhancing self-awareness and understanding in relationships. For instance, one participant shared how their knowledge of the Enneagram helped them and their spouse recognize patterns in their behaviors and feelings. This awareness provided clarity, particularly during conflicts, allowing them to communicate effectively and navigate their differences. The ability to name emotions and understand the influence of shame or aspirations has fostered growth and healing within their partnership.
Shame and Contempt in Marriages
A significant issue in relationships is the interplay between shame and contempt, which can erode intimacy and lead to conflicts. One expert noted that contempt often stems from unaddressed shame, affecting both partners in a destructive cycle. This duality highlights the necessity for couples to explore the roots of their contemptuous feelings and to address the emotional baggage they carry from their past. Engaging in these discussions can provide clarity and foster deeper connections, transforming how partners relate to one another.
The Importance of Curiosity in Conflict
Curiosity plays a vital role in resolving conflicts within a marriage by allowing partners to explore underlying emotions and triggers. One participant emphasized the value of asking open-ended questions during disputes to understand their spouse's experience better. This approach not only softens defensiveness but also creates an atmosphere of care and mutual respect. By prioritizing curiosity over accusations, couples can engage in a healthier dialogue, mitigating the impacts of past grievances.
Delight as a Foundation of Connection
Experiencing delight in a relationship is essential for cultivating intimacy and connection between partners. It involves moments of being truly seen and appreciated, leading to a sense of belonging in the partnership. A participant shared a personal experience of delighting in their spouse during a playful moment that revealed deeper affection and appreciation. This recognition of each other's unique qualities can foster a space of love and wonder, enhancing the overall satisfaction within the marriage.
Join us for an enlightening episode of the Typology Podcast as we dive deep into the complexities of marriage through the lens of the Enneagram with our special guests, Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call. In this episode, we explore insights from their book, The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight.
Discover how the Enneagram can provide clarity in relationships, particularly for those navigating the challenges of shame and vulnerability. Dan, an Enneagram 8, and Steve, an Enneagram 3, share their personal experiences and therapeutic wisdom on how to foster deep connection and understanding in marriage.
Key topics include:
The importance of curiosity in conflict resolution
How to cultivate awareness and mitigate shame and contempt
The role of delight and awe in nurturing intimacy
Practical advice for couples at different stages of marriage
Whether you're in a new relationship or have been in a partnership for decades, this conversation offers valuable wisdom for anyone looking to strengthen their relationship. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from two seasoned experts in the field!
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