Men Beyond Utility with Dr. John Delony

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May 27, 2025

Dr. John Delony, a bestselling author and mental health expert, shares his insights on breaking free from the 'utility trap' that pressures men to constantly be problem-solvers. He offers relatable stories about fatherhood and encourages emotional presence and vulnerability. Topics include the importance of modeling healthy behavior, the challenges of balancing parenting with emotional support, and how validating feelings can strengthen parent-child bonds. It's a refreshing take on redefining masculinity and nurturing deeper family connections.

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INSIGHT

Yelling Undermines Emotional Growth

Yelling teaches kids only how to avoid punishment, not solve problems.
Parents must model emotional regulation to set healthier examples.

ANECDOTE

Swimming Lesson Throw-in

Swim instructor threw John's son in the pool to teach swimming.
The experience taught him the value of tough but effective skill-building.

INSIGHT

Utility Trap Limits Men’s Value

Men often feel their value depends on utility and having the right answers.
This makes admitting mistakes feel like an existential threat.

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In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky talks with bestselling author and mental health expert Dr. John Delony about the utility trap — the pressure many men feel to always be useful, fix problems, and provide solutions, often at the expense of emotional connection. John shares his own experiences as a dad learning to step out of “fix-it mode” and into emotional presence, vulnerability, and attunement. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the role of provider or problem-solver, or you’re parenting with someone who is, this conversation is a powerful invitation to redefine what it really means to show up.

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For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast.

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