People with narcissistic tendencies can display charm in some contexts and cruelty in others, leading to confusion and conflicting memories.
Setting boundaries and advocating for oneself is crucial in relationships to avoid erasure of personal needs and goals.
Rebuilding one's life after a divorce involves reconnecting with personal passions, forming new relationships, and prioritizing emotional availability.
Deep dives
Recognizing Narcissistic Tendencies
The woman in the podcast episode reflects on her past marriage with a person displaying narcissistic tendencies. She describes his intense charm followed by emotional cruelty and confusion, leading to her feeling stuck and pushing away people who care. As her ex-husband prepares to remarry, she questions whether the divorce was her fault and feels a sense of isolation and despair. The therapist explains that people with narcissistic tendencies can be charming in some contexts and cruel in others, causing confusion and creating different memories. The woman realizes the need to move past this emotional turmoil and regain her identity.
Protecting Herself and Keeping Distance
The podcast explores the woman's struggle in setting boundaries, advocating for herself, and protecting her own needs within a relationship. It highlights how she dated people after her divorce but kept them at arm's length, avoiding serious involvement. The therapist identifies her pattern of protecting herself by not fully opening up and having difficulty integrating lives with romantic partners. The woman reflects on her past relationships, including her marriage, where her needs and goals were erased. She realizes her fear of bringing up her desires and her tendency to keep people away, possibly stemming from her childhood experiences.
Moving Forward and Embracing Life
The podcast delves into the woman's journey towards finding her own identity and rebuilding her life after the divorce. It is discussed how she has formed close friendships that provide support but has avoided entertaining at her home. The therapist emphasizes the importance of bringing people into her space to create bonds and suggests hosting a dinner party as a first step. The woman expresses her desire to reconnect with her passion for photography and pursue her artistic interests once again. Finally, the therapist advises her to focus on finding relationships where both partners are available and willing to show up for each other, instead of chasing the approval of her ex-husband.
Struggling with Emotional Disconnect
Audrey discusses the emotional disconnect and decline in intimacy in her marriage. Despite attending therapy, her husband was unwilling to make time for their relationship due to work and other stressors. This emotional disconnection eventually led to the end of their marriage.
Lingering in Limbo
After Audrey and her husband discussed the deteriorating state of their marriage with a friend, they entered a period of limbo where they continued with their daily routines without addressing the issues at hand. Audrey desired her husband's approval and struggled to let go, causing the limbo phase to extend for an additional two years before the final divorce.
Hey, Fellow Travelers. This week we’re in session with Audrey, who seven years after divorcing a man she believes is narcissistic, has not yet moved on with her life. Her ex-husband is now getting remarried and she wonders why she has been unable to find a new relationship herself and why she might be pushing away men who seem to care about her.
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