The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast 1KHO 651: Pushing Isn't Always the Answer | Aundi Kolber, Try Softer
Dec 16, 2025
Aundi Kolber, a trauma therapist and bestselling author of 'Try Softer,' explores the power of gentleness in healing. She shares a transformative moment from her past when a mentor asked, 'Have you tried softer?' Aundi delves into the impact of childhood trauma on attachment and the importance of safety cues in relationships. She introduces the concept of beauty hunting, emphasizing how nature can aid emotional regulation. With practical tools for compassionate parenting, Aundi champions replacing shame with curiosity to foster connection and repair.
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The Question That Changed A Career
- Aundi Kolber describes a pivotal moment when her therapy supervisor John asked, "What if you tried softer?"
- That question shifted her approach and seeded the Try Softer work over the next 15 years.
Birthday Party That Taught Vigilance
- Aundi shares a traumatic 13th birthday memory when her mother left a note saying she loved them but couldn't stay.
- The experience taught Aundi to over-accommodate and stay constantly on guard.
Safety Speaks Nonverbally
- Regulated people give off nonverbal cues that signal safety and allow others to relax around them.
- Aundi links this to polyvagal ideas and the importance of embodying regulation, not just saying calm words.
