A concerned dad feels overwhelmed as his four-year-old uses ultimatums in response to attempted boundaries. He struggles with guilt and fears damaging the trusting bond he has with his kids. Janet emphasizes the importance of understanding emotions and fostering open communication. Practical strategies for setting boundaries without escalating conflict are discussed, along with the value of allowing children to experience their feelings. Tips for promoting healthier family living post-holidays also add a refreshing twist.
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Reframing Boundaries
Reframe boundaries as opportunities to help your child.
See your child's challenging behavior as a sign they need assistance, not punishment.
insights INSIGHT
Why Consequences Backfire
Consequences often backfire because kids need help, not reasoning.
This misreading of needs creates distance between parent and child.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Self-Awareness and Feelings
Use self-awareness to understand and address the situation.
Acknowledge and accept your and your child's feelings, even negative ones.
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This book provides practical ways to respond to the challenges of toddlerhood while nurturing a respectful relationship with your child. It covers common toddler concerns such as setting clear boundaries without yelling, understanding behaviors like biting, hitting, and tantrums, and advice for parenting strong-willed children. Lansbury’s approach to discipline is seen as an act of compassion and love, helping parents to be gentle leaders and stay calm in challenging situations.
A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but lately seems to have backfired because his four-year-old is now giving him ultimatums. The boy's behaviors have become more extreme, and in response the dad says he threatens unnatural consequences, which leads to tears, more guilt, and on and on. “I hate the whole cycle,” he says. “I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Mostly, I hate and fear the breaking of trust and the positive relationship that I have with him.”
Janet offers her suggestions and encouragement.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled 