600. Life is Too Short to Have Sex You Don’t Like, with Emily Nagoski
Feb 2, 2024
auto_awesome
On the 600th episode, Emily Nagoski discusses her new book on lasting sexual connections and common factors among couples. Topics include intimacy, sex, and challenges like intimate partner violence and weight loss. The conversation highlights admiration, transitioning into intimacy, and exploring emotional spaces in relationships. It also touches on savoring pleasure, body image reevaluation, and upcoming memoir audiobooks.
Prioritizing sex, having a strong friendship, and rejecting societal norms are key to sustaining lasting sexual connections.
Romance literature in novels explores diverse sexual identities but can still reinforce patriarchal expectations.
Admiration and prioritizing intimacy in a relationship are essential for fostering a strong sexual connection free from shame and guilt.
Deep dives
Characteristics of Couples with Strong Sexual Connections
Couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over the long term prioritize sex, have a strong friendship, and reject societal opinions about their sexuality. The traditional narratives of desire and keeping the spark alive are challenged, emphasizing pleasure as the driving force of eroticism.
Inclusivity and Dismantling Gender Binary in Romance
Romance novels often portray empowering and limiting portrayals of sex. The genre has become more inclusive, exploring diverse sexual orientations and identities. However, some narratives still reinforce compliance to sexual imperatives and patriarchal expectations.
Evolution of Romance
Romance literature reflects both compliance and liberation wings, where characters either bend themselves to find joy or bend the world to their desires. Writers like Nalini Singh demonstrate the ability to challenge conventional narratives within the confines of their story worlds.
The Importance of Prioritizing Admiration in a Relationship
In this podcast episode, the speaker emphasizes the significance of prioritizing admiration in a relationship. They discuss how allowing irritations and annoyances to escalate can take away from appreciating and admiring one's partner. By working on the admiration piece in a relationship, it becomes easier to have a satisfying and open conversation about sex, free from shame, guilt, and blame. It is acknowledged that sustaining a consistent level of admiration is not necessarily easy, but it is essential for fostering a strong connection.
The Decision to Prioritize Sex in a Relationship
The speaker highlights the importance of couples consciously deciding to prioritize sex in their relationship. While acknowledging that not all relationships prioritize sex all the time, the podcast explores how couples who sustain a strong sexual connection actively choose to make it a priority. This choice involves putting aside other obligations, such as raising children, work, and socializing, to focus on the intimacy and pleasure they share with their partners. Prioritizing sex is viewed as a valuable aspect of their connection and is a deliberate choice, not borne out of obligation.
We talk about the genesis for this book, which is in part that writing a book is stressful and hard, and while writing Come As You Are, Emily noticed that her own interest in sex was missing. By diving headlong into all the research, she realized that people who sustain lasting sexual connections have a few major things in common, which is what this book is all about.
CW/TW: we mention this in the conversation, but it's important to note that at 23:36 we talk about intimate partner violence, and at 1:00:45 we talk about intentional weight loss. We are also talking about intimacy, sex, and sexual practices.
Music: Purple-planet.com
You can find out more about Emily Nagoski at her website, EmilyNagoski.com.
Thank you to our sponsor, HelloFresh. Visit HelloFresh.com/smarttrashyfree and use code smarttrashyfree for FREE breakfast for life! One breakfast item per box while subscription is active.