Setting boundaries in relationships allows for healthier connections and prevents resentment.
Building self-respect rather than seeking external validation is crucial for a healthy relationship with oneself and with others.
Voluntarily taking on challenges and embracing discomfort prepares us for the inevitable hardships in life and promotes personal growth.
Deep dives
Establishing Boundaries and Authentic Connections
In relationships, setting boundaries is crucial, even if it means not being perceived as nice or likable. The fear of being unlikable often leads us to compromise our own values and boundaries. But establishing boundaries allows for healthier connections and prevents resentment. It's important to be intentional about what we're looking for in a person and focus on the feelings we want to experience in a relationship, rather than generic traits or external validation. Slowing down the process of falling in love and taking time to get to know someone on a deeper level helps us make more informed choices and avoid falling for superficial attractions or love bombing tactics. The key is to prioritize the nutritious, long-lasting aspects of love over the surface-level, short-term gratification.
Self-Respect and Internal Validation
Building self-respect rather than seeking external validation is crucial for a healthy relationship with oneself and with others. Self-esteem is often tied to external factors and can lead to constantly seeking approval from others. On the other hand, self-respect is internal and comes from honoring commitments to oneself, doing hard things, and focusing on progress rather than perfection. By developing self-respect, we free ourselves from the constant need for validation and learn to connect with others on a deeper level. Vulnerability is a strength, and by embracing imperfections and being brave enough to admit struggles, we create genuine connections based on mutual understanding and empathy.
Challenges and the Importance of Doing Hard Things
Voluntarily taking on challenges and embracing discomfort prepares us for the inevitable hardships in life. By willingly doing hard things, we become more resilient and adaptable in difficult situations. We live in a society that often prioritizes comfort and convenience, but taking the easy route hinders personal growth. Doing hard things helps us develop self-awareness, build character, and find peace in knowing that we can overcome challenges. Instead of chasing short-term pleasures or convenience, focusing on long-term growth and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones allows for a deeper and more fulfilling connection with ourselves and others.
Valuing Nourishing Love Over Superficial Connections
Our perception of love is often distorted by societal norms, media portrayals, and the need for external validation. We are conditioned to chase attention, compliments, and superficial attractions, mistaking them for love. However, true love is rooted in authenticity, vulnerable connections, and a mutual understanding of each other's needs. Instead of falling into the trap of seeking external validation or trying to impress others, it is important to establish a healthy relationship with ourselves first. This involves self-reflection, understanding our own desires and values, and prioritizing connections that align with our authentic selves. By focusing on the nourishing aspects of love, we can build long-lasting and fulfilling relationships that go beyond surface-level attractions.
The Importance of Self-Awareness and Self-Love
Self-awareness and self-love are crucial in a world that constantly demands us to run on fumes and contribute to its economy. By realizing that we are the source of love, we can free ourselves from seeking external validation and materialistic pursuits like retail therapy or seeking validation through social media. It is essential to understand that we are not alone in our struggles and anxieties, and by openly expressing and sharing our experiences, we can create meaningful connections with others.
Building and Sustaining Healthy Relationships
To determine if someone is right for us, it is important to reflect on our own role in the relationship without placing blame on others. Relationships require continuous effort and intention to understand and dive into the other person's world, rather than expecting them to conform to our own desires. Open and honest communication is crucial, along with defining boundaries and non-negotiables. Recognizing that love is a verb and an ongoing process helps us navigate conflicts and actively work towards building stronger connections with ourselves and others.
Today, I am talking to Kanwer Singh aka Humble the Poet. Humble is a toronto-bred mc/spoken word artist with an aura that embodies the diversity and resiliency of one of the world’s most unique cities. He stimulates audiences with ideas that challenge conventional wisdom and go against the grain, with dynamic live sets that shake conventions and minds at the same time. Humble's latest EP titled Righteous/Ratchet features the first single H.A.I.R, a celebration of women of all shapes, sizes, hair and walks of life. His self directed video for H.A.I.R has amassed almost 2 million views since its release. The video features YouTube sensation and longtime collaborator, Lilly Singh. His first book Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths For A Better Life was published through Indigo Press in October 2017 and became Heather's Pick and has stayed on the Globe & Mail Bestsellers list since its release. Humble's next book Things No One Else Can Teach Us was released in the fall of 2019.
Humble emphasizes the importance of making the relationship you have with yourself the best among all the relationships you currently have. This is because knowing your own self worth will make setting boundaries easier for you and for the people around you. We exchange thoughts on what makes us resilient, why self respect matters more than self-esteem, the constant validation we seek from others, and what makes love so simple.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:04:54 Why do we try to impress others?
00:06:46 Self-esteem versus self respect
00:12:27 What makes us resilient?
00:17:04 Not everybody’s going to like you
00:20:27 Be in relationship with yourself first
00:25:36 There can’t be love if there’s resentment
00:34:14 How to develop a healthy relationship?
00:40:21 We are attracted to what’s familiar, not what’s healthy
00:54:46 Not getting a reward is not a punishment
00:58:47 When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone
