The Human Upgrade: Biohacking for Longevity & Performance

How to Drop Happily Ever After and Do Relationships Better! – John Kim, LMFT : 1077

Aug 8, 2023

John Kim, a licensed marriage and family therapist and life coach, shares his unconventional insights on relationships. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and emotional responsibility for healthier partnerships. Kim challenges the idea of a singular 'soulmate' and suggests that multiple meaningful connections can exist. The conversation also tackles communication, managing jealousy, and debunking unrealistic ideals around love, advocating for present-moment satisfaction and authenticity in relationships.

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ANECDOTE

Self-Like Journey

John Kim found himself after divorce through self-discovery, not love.
He used motorcycles, CrossFit, and tattoos, embracing his solid self.

INSIGHT

Happily Ever After

Happily ever after is a harmful misconception from Disney movies.
It pressures people to find "the one" and neglects the work needed in real relationships.

INSIGHT

The One

The idea of "the one" is false; multiple compatible partners exist.
Focusing on the present partner is more productive than searching for a soulmate.

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IN THIS EPISODE OF THE HUMAN UPGRADE you’ll learn how to recognize your own sh*t and be a better partner in relationships.

Want a sustainable partnership? Communicate and apologize; fight without fighting; identify codependent behavior (your own); and manage jealousy (also your own).

This conversation gets into how you can let go of unrealistic ideals of how you think love and relationships should be and live fully in the present. You’ll also get tips on how to be emotionally responsible to people you love every day.

Guest John Kim, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a life coach, cracks his life into two big pieces… split on either side of what he calls “the great divide” of his own divorce several years ago. He did the whole “get a tattoo and a Harley” thing to find his way.

He also combined what he learned in therapy school with life coaching and technology to be mobile and create online communities. He became known as an unconventional therapist, seeing clients at coffee shops, on hikes, or in a CrossFit box. He’s built a devoted following of fans who love the frank and authentic insights that he—as “The Angry Therapist”—freely shares on social media. TikTok’s his jam, with over 450K people tuning in for his “shot glass” bits of life wisdom.

In his book, written with his romantic partner and fellow therapist Vanessa Bennett, John takes a different (honest, humorous, raw) approach by dissecting his own relationship dynamic to bring clarity to yours. Each part of “IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU: Break the Blame Cycle, Relationship Better” gives you questions to ask yourself and practices to do. It’s a book that pushes you into doing and putting your newfound knowledge to IRL use.

Here’s a sneak peek at a few of the Love Lessons (In a Shot Glass) you’ll find in “It’s Not Me, It’s You.”

Love is not a battlefield. Your head is.
If someone is unsure about you, it’s never worth the investment.
Hold love, don’t grab it.
Don’t stop believing (be Journey).
Love is what teaches us how to live.

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