543- Parenting Resistant Tweens and Teens with ADHD: Getting Buy-In from Your Adolescent
Feb 19, 2025
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Sharon Saline, a clinical psychologist and author, shares her expertise on parenting resistant tweens and teens with ADHD. She discusses the emotional complexities of adolescent development and offers strategies to promote cooperation rather than conflict. Saline emphasizes compassionate approaches to understanding defiance and enhancing self-esteem. She also highlights the crucial role of adults in providing support and fostering resilience, making this a must-listen for parents navigating the challenges of ADHD during adolescence.
Understanding that defiant behaviors in adolescents with ADHD often stem from unmet emotional needs is essential for fostering cooperation and connection.
Recognizing the complex relationship between ADHD and co-occurring conditions like anxiety enables parents to empathize and improve family dynamics.
Utilizing compassionate communication techniques and logical consequences allows parents to create a collaborative environment that encourages open dialogue and mutual respect.
Deep dives
Understanding Oppositionality in Adolescents
Defiant behaviors in tweens and teens with ADHD often stem from feeling unheard or unseen, leading to emotional outbursts and panic attacks. For example, one mother described her 11-year-old daughter experiencing anxiety attacks due to overwhelming emotions. Adolescents like Joaquim express frustration over feeling disrespected by their parents, emphasizing a desire for understanding rather than authoritarian commands. Recognizing these underlying feelings is crucial for parents aiming to build closer connections and effective communication with their resistant children.
Co-occurring Conditions with ADHD
Many children and teens with ADHD suffer from co-occurring conditions, which complicate their emotional and behavioral responses. Research indicates that around 70% of those with ADHD also experience issues like anxiety and learning disabilities, with a significant percentage developing oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). This connection highlights how untreated anxiety can lead to heightened emotional responses, such as anger or aggression, further complicating interactions between parents and children. Understanding these relationships can help parents empathize with their child's struggles and improve family dynamics.
Navigating the Adolescent Brain Development
Adolescence is marked by significant brain development, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control and emotional regulation. Delays in this development can exacerbate challenges for those with ADHD, causing issues with judgment and self-control. For instance, the brain undergoes pruning of unnecessary synapses during this period, which can impair the adolescent's ability to focus and process information effectively. Recognizing these developmental changes can help parents set appropriate expectations and respond with greater understanding.
The Importance of Compassionate Communication
Effective parenting of resistant adolescents involves using compassionate communication techniques to build trust and collaboration. Parents should focus on understanding their child's perspective and creating an environment where open dialogue is encouraged. Sharing personal experiences with ADHD can foster empathy and connection, helping adolescents feel less isolated in their struggles. Implementing techniques like active listening and affirming their feelings can help bridge the gap in communication and create a more supportive home environment.
Strategies to Reduce Defiance and Foster Cooperation
To address defiance in tweens and teens, parents can employ logical consequences rather than punitive measures. This approach emphasizes the importance of setting clear expectations while allowing some flexibility to foster cooperation. For example, using a collaborative method to establish agreements can lead to better buy-in from the adolescent, as they feel their input is valued. Additionally, parents should encourage their children to reflect on their behavior and engage in discussions about feelings, leading to healthier relationships and more effective conflict resolution.
Sharon Saline, Psy.D., helps parents understand the biopsychology of adolescent development and use practical, strength-based approaches that foster cooperation with resistant, oppositional tweens & teens and help them develop self-esteem and resilience.
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