Desirable Confronting a former CIA Spy: ‘Are You Lying About Leaving the CIA?! | Andrew Bustamante
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Oct 18, 2025 
In this captivating discussion, Andrew Bustamante, a former CIA intelligence officer and author of 'Shadow Cell', shares how espionage intersects with everyday life, especially in relationships. He recounts his covert six-month proposal to his CIA-agent wife and the emotional complexities of loving someone trained to distrust. Bustamante explores how parenting like a spy, using techniques like the 'illusion of choice,' can foster growth. He also discusses how the CIA uses trauma to recruit and why emotional security is crucial in a relationship shaped by deception.
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Six-Month Covert Proposal
- Andrew planned a six-month covert proposal while his partner was on operations and lied consistently to keep the surprise.
- He coordinated parents, hid plans in a CIA office folder, and proposed at the Cherry Blossom Festival under the Jefferson Memorial.
Three Lives Shape Trust
- People present three lives: public, private, and secret, and real trust reaches the secret life.
- Espionage aims to move a target from public to secret life to secure permanent influence.
Homeschooling With Illusion Of Choice
- Andrew and Jihee homeschooled their children and intentionally taught them decision authority with limits.
- They used the 'illusion of choice' to give control while maintaining necessary boundaries.
