We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson

Former CIA Spy Reveals How To Read Anyone

39 snips
Oct 28, 2025
Guest
Andrew Bustamante
Andrew Bustamante, a former CIA covert officer and co-founder of Everyday Spy, shares his unique insights on reading people and building trust. He discusses the real superpower of the CIA—systematizing curiosity—and how it can transform personal relationships. Learn how to spot deception, the transactional nature of relationships, and the importance of hard conversations. Bustamante also reflects on his own journey from military life to the CIA, revealing eye-opening stories about identity, emotional connections, and balancing work with family.
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ADVICE

Use Feeling Questions To Spot Deception

  • Ask feeling questions to force answers through the creative cortex and spot processing delays.
  • Use baseline feeling and logic questions, then compare response speed and body language to detect struggle.
INSIGHT

Make Relationship Value Explicit

  • Treat relationships as explicit transactions to identify what each person values and optimize exchanges.
  • Naming the transaction lets couples transparently renegotiate and increase mutual value over time.
ADVICE

Have Hard Conversations At The Peak

  • Watch for a relationship's natural life cycle and intervene at the peak-to-decline inflection with hard conversations.
  • Tell your partner what you need now so you can restore growth and raise your shared peak ROI.
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