Optimizing marriage through explicit transactions

How do CIA spies detect lies, build trust fast, and navigate high-stakes relationships? Former covert officer Andrew Bustamante reveals how the tools he used in espionage can transform your personal life - from how you read people to how you love them.

From growing up in a turbulent family, to commanding U.S. nuclear missiles at 24, to being recruited into the CIA, Andrew’s story is a journey through power, secrecy, love, and identity. But beneath the training lies a deeper lesson: the same psychological skills designed for national security became the ones that saved his marriage and founded Everyday Spy, an online education platform that provides people with useful spy skills for everyday life.

As Andrew says: The CIA’s real superpower isn’t guns or gadgets - it’s learning how to systematise natural curiosity. In this conversation, he shares how those skills can change the way you connect, communicate, and build trust in everyday life.

You’ll learn:

◽How to tell if someone is lying 

◽Why he cut off his girlfriend, friends, and family for the chance to join the CIA

◽The CIA method for building instant emotional trust

◽How to recognise when a relationship is starting to decline - and how to fix it

◽The hardest conversation of his life (and what it taught him about love)

◽His take on Jeffrey Epstein and possible CIA connections

◽How easy it really is to launch a nuclear missile - and what that reveals about power

Part life story, part relationship masterclass, and part psychological thriller, this episode will change how you see honesty, loyalty, and the hidden motivations that shape every relationship.

Andrew Bustamante. We Need To Talk.

Follow me here:

https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk 

https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod

Support Andrew here:

Instagram: https://g2ul0.app.link/Ps9x0EkXMXb

TikTok: https://g2ul0.app.link/1nNEZWvXMXb 

YouTube: https://g2ul0.app.link/19tVZShXMXb

EverydaySpy: https://g2ul0.app.link/wG0st3xXMXb

Find Your Superpower: https://g2ul0.app.link/qqQlh5v0PXb

Shadow Cell: https://g2ul0.app.link/GwDAB7DVMXb 

(00:00) Intro

(02:13) How Can You Tell If Someone Is Lying?

(05:27) Is Every Relationship Transactional?

(19:42) Andrew's Checklist for Profiling Someone

(24:12) Was Jeffrey Epstein a Government Asset?

(29:13) Shopify Ad

(30:16) Love Better Tour Ad

(31:14) Andrew's Upbringing in Pennsylvania and Mixed-Race Heritage

(33:45) Andrew's Relationship With His Biological Father

(37:48) Andrew's Journey to the CIA

(39:47) Life at a Military Academy

(46:51) Andrew's Time as a Nuclear Missile Officer

(50:21) Nuclear Proliferation

(52:58) How Andrew Became a CIA Agent

(1:12:21) Romantic Relationships Within the CIA

(1:16:22) How Andrew Met His Wife During His Time at the CIA

(1:21:44) Why Andrew Proposed to His Wife

(1:26:55) Why Andrew Decided to Leave the CIA

(1:32:09) Getting a Job After Being in the CIA

(1:39:18) Is 'Sexpionage' a Real Method of Spying?

(1:41:59) A Skill Andrew Learned in the CIA That Applies to Everyone

(1:45:11) What Andrew Thinks the Future of the World Looks Like

(1:46:46) What Is the Biggest Threat to the World?

(1:47:59) What Is Andrew's Identity Today?

(1:51:51) Most Memorable Conversation

(1:56:06) Paul's Takeaways

Sponsored by:

Shopify: https://www.shopify.co.uk/needtotalk  

Get Your Tickets to the Love Better Tour: https://bit.ly/lovebetter-YT

Glasgow - https://g2ul0.app.link/FMk3N4PhrXb

Birmingham - https://g2ul0.app.link/pJIj4XShrXb

Manchester - https://g2ul0.app.link/4SQwKDXhrXb

Brighton - https://g2ul0.app.link/BO71HSZhrXb

London - https://g2ul0.app.link/gm6iB91hrXb

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices