2092: How to Cultivate Amazing Relationships With Adam Lane Smith

17 snips

Jun 8, 2023

In this conversation, Adam Lane Smith, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, dives deep into attachment theory and its impact on adult relationships. He discusses the four styles of attachment, why women often initiate divorces, and the emotional needs of men. Adam highlights the challenges of modern relationships, including the effects of social media and pornography on intimacy. He emphasizes the critical role of fathers and the need for genuine connections in navigating fatherhood and fostering emotional bonds.

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INSIGHT

Attachment Theory Overview

Attachment theory explains how childhood needs shape adult relationships.
Unmet needs lead to insecurities like fearing abandonment or distrusting others.

ANECDOTE

Cooperating in Conflict

Adam Lane Smith uses a bedtime tantrum example with his six-year-old.
He demonstrates cooperating in conflict instead of yelling, asking his son what he needs.

INSIGHT

Four Attachment Styles

Four attachment styles exist: secure, anxious, avoidant, and a combination of anxious-avoidant.
These styles determine how individuals handle conflict and seek connection.

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Sex at Dawn

The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

Christopher Ryan

Cacilda Jethá

In 'Sex at Dawn', Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá present a compelling argument that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups where food, child care, and sexual partners were shared. The authors use evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to debunk the standard narrative of human sexual evolution. They contend that before the advent of agriculture, human societies were characterized by sexual freedom and promiscuity, which strengthened social bonds and ensured the well-being of the group. The book challenges modern concepts of monogamy and sexual exclusivity, offering a fresh perspective on human sexuality and its implications for modern relationships.

Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands

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Adam Lane Smith

Adam Lane Smith's "Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands" delves into the common communication breakdowns and unmet needs within many marriages. The book explores the perspectives of both partners, highlighting the exhaustion often experienced by wives due to persistent unmet needs and the bewilderment felt by husbands who struggle to understand their wives' frustrations. It offers insights into attachment styles and communication patterns that contribute to marital discord. The book provides practical strategies for improving communication and fostering deeper understanding between partners. Ultimately, it aims to help couples bridge the gap between their expectations and realities, leading to more fulfilling relationships.

Get Different

Marketing That Can't Be Ignored!

Mike Michalowicz

In 'Get Different: Marketing That Can't Be Ignored!', Mike Michalowicz offers a proven method to position your business, service, or brand to get noticed, attract the best prospects, and convert those opportunities into sales. The book emphasizes that 'different is better' and provides a simple, doable system based on three critical questions: Does it differentiate? Does it attract? Does it direct? This approach is illustrated with actionable insights and stories of real-life entrepreneurs, making it a game-changer for businesses struggling to stand out in the market.

In this episode Sal, Adam & Justin speak with Adam Lane Smith, a licensed psychotherapist and highly sought-after relationship expert.

Why he does what he does today. (4:45)
What is Attachment Theory and how can it affect you as an adult? (5:59)
Cooperating in conflict. (11:14)
Breaking down the 4 Styles of Attachment. (14:09)
Why are the women the first to ask for a divorce? (19:55)
Old knowledge that has been lost. (23:36)
Why men need to feel powerful. (28:06)
Understanding the order of operations with your partner. (32:12)
Which attachments attract each other? (35:41)
Marriage glue. (41:05)
The four pieces of relationship security. (44:32)
The murkiness with the division of labor. (49:56)
The poor messaging to young men. (54:47)
Why women are in a no-win circumstance right now. (58:57)
Why kids are so anxious and depressed. (1:01:43)
The ramifications of too much access to pornography. (1:04:05)
Why a booty call does not turn into a marriage. (1:06:48)
The biggest challenges with modern life. (1:10:13)
Why we are more like chimps than bonobos. (1:11:52)
His thoughts on dating apps. (1:15:44)
The four characteristics of a good father. (1:25:03)
How most parents do not have a relationship with their kids, they manage them. (1:28:40)
Tactical rituals to be a better father. (1:31:09)
Why phones are one of the BIGGEST killers of sex. (1:37:05)
The role of the father during pregnancy. (1:41:00)
Why women with attachment issues have issues breastfeeding. (1:45:40)
The importance of leading your partner into healthier attachment. (1:48:10)
Run your marriage like a business and it will thrive. (1:49:55)
Why homeschool? (1:53:57)
The value in having oxytocin bonding routinely with your partner.(1:56:22)
The pros and cons of psychedelics. (2:00:37)