Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Your Weekly Hug

Why tween friendships feel so intense, and how to help.

Feb 4, 2026

Megan Saxelby, an early-adolescent parent coach and former middle-school teacher, explains why friendships feel so intense for 10–14 year olds. She explores the neuroscience of belonging and social pain. Short, practical ideas on validating feelings, avoiding rescue, naming behaviors instead of calling kids dramatic, and small school nudges that boost connection.

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INSIGHT

Belonging Is Adolescent Oxygen

Belonging becomes the oxygen of early adolescence, driving brain growth and behaviour.
The brain treats social humiliation like physical pain, so exclusion triggers fight-or-flight responses.

INSIGHT

Empathy Is Learnable, Not Innate

Cognitive empathy is a teachable skill, not a fixed trait, and must be taught explicitly.
Dismissing teens as "dramatic" prevents teaching these perspective-taking skills.

ANECDOTE

Guest's Personal Middle-School Struggle

Megan shares her own middle-school struggles and learning disability to explain empathy for teens.
She used misbehaviour as a protective strategy to avoid humiliation in school.

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Ask Rachel anything

'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!

Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.

In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse.

The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%.

We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline.

Megan Saxelby:

https://wildfeelings.substack.com/

Rachel's Substack:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/

The Study:

https://www.nature.com/articles/s44220-022-00009-5

This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

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My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk