How To Have Successful Relationships with Esther Perel

Aug 25, 2021

Esther Perel, an internationally renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author, dives into the complex world of modern relationships. She discusses the heightened expectations partners face in fulfilling emotional needs while navigating childhood conditioning. Esther emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in conflict resolution and shares strategies for deepening connections through storytelling. The conversation also touches on a unique card game created to enhance intimacy and how communication can transform relationships, fostering genuine connections.

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INSIGHT

High Expectations in Modern Love

Modern romantic relationships carry unprecedented expectations.
We want our partners to fulfill roles an entire village once did.

INSIGHT

The Soulmate Ideal

We seek soulmate-like qualities, expecting love to fulfill us like the divine.
This makes romantic relationships complex and challenging.

INSIGHT

Impact of Childhood on Adult Relationships

Childhood experiences, like too much or too little attention, shape adult relationships.
Romantic relationships and those with parental figures often mirror each other, revealing our deepest issues.

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How To Have Successful Relationships | This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, Athletic Greens, and Cozy Earth

Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really hard. We want our partner to be our best friend, lover, confidant, coworker, therapist, and so much more. We want from one person what an entire village used to provide. To take it a step further, we want a soul mate; we want in another human what we used to look for in the realm of the divine. We want that person to help us become the best version of ourselves. I’ve been extremely lucky in my life with my career and friendships, but romantic relationships haven’t come easy for me. I was thrilled to take a deeper look at this part of my life in this episode with my dear friend Esther Perel.

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel.

This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, Athletic Greens, and Cozy Earth.

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Here are more of the details from our interview (time-stamps correlate with audio version of the podcast):

Our expectations of romantic relationships have drastically changed over time (7:42)

Our childhood sets us up for difficulty in romantic relationships (10:42)

Why we choose partners who activate our own specific issues (14:53)

What drives couples to divorce and why the end of a relationship does not necessarily equate to failure (18:36)

What brings couples to couples therapy today vs. in past decades (23:13)

Four relationship killers (33:05)

What makes a relationship successful? (34:27)

The card game that Esther created during the pandemic to incorporate lightness and play into our relationships (41:01)

How our relationship to giving and receiving impacts our relationships (51:51)

Esther’s main nuggets of wisdom from her work with couples (1:00:19)

Learn more about Esther Perel at https://www.estherperel.com/ and her new card game, Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories at https://www.estherperel.com/where-should-we-begin-the-game.

Follow Esther on Facebook @Esther.Perel, on Instagram @EstherPerelOfficial, and on Twitter @EstherPerel.