Behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School dives into the art of conversation, revealing just how complex our interactions truly are. She discusses the power of asking open-ended questions to deepen connections and highlights the significance of meaningful exchanges in both personal and professional realms. Brooks also unpacks the dynamics of interruptions and shares insights on navigating the intricacies of communication. With humor and research, she encourages continual improvement in our everyday dialogues.
Conversations are intricate coordination games demanding awareness of micro-decisions and non-verbal cues to ensure effective communication.
Seeking feedback on conversational styles is crucial for personal growth, enabling individuals to navigate and enhance their interpersonal interactions.
Deep dives
The Need for Coaching in Everyday Skills
Many people do not consider the importance of coaching for skills they take for granted, such as conversation. Just as one might hire a coach for sports or music, seeking guidance in conversation can significantly improve one’s interpersonal skills. Despite feeling skilled in everyday communication, the reality is that many people have room for improvement in creating dynamic and engaging conversations. Recognizing this, the podcast delves into the necessity of cultivating conversational skills, highlighting that even seemingly simple tasks, like talking, can benefit from expert guidance.
Complexity of Conversations
Conversations are intricate coordination games that involve numerous micro-decisions on both sides. Each speaker is not only delivering their thoughts but must also decipher the responses and non-verbal cues from their interlocutor, leading to an elaborate web of interaction. This complexity often results in miscues, misunderstandings, and emotional challenges that can derail communication. The podcast emphasizes that grasping this complexity can change how one approaches conversations, recognizing the potential pitfalls and better preparing to navigate them.
Feedback Loops in Communication
A major takeaway from the discussion is that individuals frequently lack feedback on their conversational behaviors, hindering their ability to improve. Many people might not realize the impact of their conversation style until a situation unfolds, such as an awkward date or a disjointed discussion. The absence of constructive feedback leaves individuals in the dark regarding their conversational effectiveness, which is crucial for personal growth. By addressing this lack of feedback and encouraging openness in communication, individuals can become more aware and enhance their conversational skills.
Practical Strategies for Better Conversations
Listeners are introduced to several strategies to enhance their conversational abilities, including the concept of topic preparation. By deliberately thinking about topics of discussion before engaging with others, individuals can ensure that conversations are more meaningful and enjoyable. The podcast suggests that switching topics when necessary can rejuvenate discussions, emphasizing the importance of keeping the conversational flow dynamic. Additionally, asking open-ended questions and actively listening to responses fosters deeper connections and enriches interactions.
Just because we’ve been doing something for a long time doesn’t mean we’re doing it right. One part of our lives where this may be particularly true is when we're talking with others. This week, we bring you the first of a two-part look at what makes someone skilled at socializing. Behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks explains why conversations are much more complex than most of us realize — and how to engage in a more meaningful back-and-forth with another person.
For more of our work on the art of conversation, check out these classic Hidden Brain episodes: