#324: How to Somatically Rewire Your Past to Create Secure Attachment with Sarah Baldwin
Nov 13, 2023
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Sarah Baldwin, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and trauma resolution expert, explains how to rewire our past experiences using our nervous systems for secure attachment and better relationships. She explores the connection between attachment styles and the nervous system, the challenges of leaving familiar experiences, and the impact of trauma on personal growth. Sarah also discusses somatic rewiring, attunement, understanding avoidant attachment, and how media and government influence our nervous systems.
Practicing internal co-regulation and acknowledging younger parts can help avoidant individuals heal past wounds and imprints.
Taking small steps towards connection with others and challenging avoidance patterns gradually can expand an avoidant individual's capacity for closeness.
Healing the nervous system can lead to a shift in attractions, allowing avoidant individuals to desire and appreciate relationships based on trust, connection, and reliability.
Deep dives
Internal Co-Regulation and Self-Reflection
One of the most important steps for an avoidant individual is to practice internal co-regulation. This involves getting to know the difference between adult self and younger parts that show up in moments of dysregulation. By acknowledging and attuning to these younger parts, individuals can begin to heal past wounds and imprints. This process also entails reflecting on one's own needs, desires, and vulnerabilities, and allowing oneself to be curious about their internal experiences.
Stepping on the Dock: Taking Tolerable Steps towards Connection
In the external realm, avoidant individuals can start by taking small steps towards connection with others. This can be done by sharing more about their experiences, needs, and vulnerabilities in relationships. These steps may feel uncomfortable and stretching, but they are vital for expanding their nervous system's capacity for closeness. It is important to remember that progress comes from consistently and gradually challenging avoidance patterns.
Recognizing and Embracing the Benefits of Vulnerability
As avoidant individuals continue to challenge their avoidance patterns, they may notice a shift in their preferences and attractions. When their nervous system is no longer coded for unreliability or distance, they can start to desire and appreciate relationships that are based on trust, connection, and reliability. By rewiring their internal database and building their capacity for good in their lives, avoidant individuals can experience greater intimacy and fulfillment in their relationships.
The Power of Healing the Nervous System
Healing the nervous system can have a profound impact on the individual, relationships, families, and even larger systems. A regulated nervous system is contagious and can regulate other nervous systems through mirror neurons. For parents, regulating their own nervous system is the best gift they can give to their children, shaping their child's nervous system in a regulated and safe way. Schools, workplaces, and other institutions would greatly benefit from incorporating nervous system regulation into their systems. This work can create healthier relationships, facilitate creativity and flow, and optimize overall performance.
Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style
The avoidant attachment style is a response to repeated experiences of neglect or unavailability from caregivers. Avoidant individuals have learned to disconnect from their needs and shut down in order to survive. However, this disconnection from the longing for connection can result in difficulty forming and maintaining intimate relationships. Healing the nervous system is key to overcoming this attachment style, as it allows individuals to relearn that connection is safe, and to bravely reach out for connection, which in turn can inspire healing in the other person or system. Understanding the nervous system's role allows for increased compassion and awareness in working through avoidant attachment patterns.
Today I welcome back Sarah Baldwin for the third time - Sarah’s last two podcasts have the most downloads out of any of my episodes! Sarah is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and expert in the field of trauma resolution. She’s a member of the world-renowned Polyvagal Theory training team and has trained clinicians around the world in nervous system interventions.
In this episode, Sarah explains how we can use our nervous systems to rewire our past experiences to create secure attachment, deepen intimacy, and ultimately have better relationships. She brings light to the core needs resulting from our childhood experiences that drive our adult behaviors, and how understanding the connection can help us identify the root causes of ruptures in our relationships. She also guides us through somatic regulation techniques to foster more genuine connections, gently expand our comfort zones, and finally heal the traumas of our past so we can be the best version of ourselves today. Nervous system regulation is some of the most important work we can do, so dive right in to learn more!
— Sarah’s Instagram @sarahbcoaching: https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
—Sarah’s Website: sarahbaldwincoaching.com
—Sarah’s Amazing Course - You Make Sense: https://programs.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/you-make-sense
Themes: Somatic Therapy, Nervous System, Regulation, Self-Healing, Trauma, Attachment Theory, Relational Dynamics, Relationships, Belonging, Societal Pressures, Childhood Trauma, Overcoming Fear, Healing Our Past, Parenting
Chapters:
0:00:00 Intro
0:08:34 The Importance of Feeling Safe in Our Nervous System
0:13:02 Unconscious attraction resulting from childhood experiences
0:14:00 Disconfirming Experiences
0:18:42 Internal Co-regulation: Changing Autonomic Tones for Self-Healing
0:21:41 How to help others regulate without becoming dysregulated
0:27:33 Meeting our own needs and creating internal secure attachment
0:31:01 Nervous System Responses in Relational Dynamics
0:38:35 Avoidant attachment and the human need for connection
0:42:12 The struggle of avoidance and the desire for connection
0:45:18 Building capacity for good things in life and overcoming overwhelm
0:48:25 Shifting from posturing to desiring genuine connection
0:52:08 Taking tolerable steps towards connection and expanding comfort zone
0:56:08 The Power of Relationships in Motivating Change
1:00:47 The Nervous System and the Impact of Media and Propaganda
1:05:10 The Impact of Nervous System Healing on Relationships
1:08:37 Nervous System Regulation in Every System for a Better World
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